The Ugliest Thing About Me

Wednesday, September 21, 2016
*Before I begin this post, I would like to start with the following disclaimer: this post has nothing to do with a lack of self-confidence and I am not actually calling myself "ugly".  The point is not "Kristin is ugly". The point is, we need to be deeply aware of the wrong that hangs out in our hearts.



This past Sunday evening, Taylor and I went to our first life group since deciding on our Charlotte church-home. We were gathered in a church member's house, sitting on comfy couches and enjoying the laid-back, friendly atmosphere. The kiddies were in one room (with supervision of course), and the adults were in another. The discussion was based around the sermon earlier that day, and we used our time to discuss our struggles and how we can stand in faith even when the world throws a lot at us.

In true Kristin-fashion, I was quick to answer aloud, sharing my thoughts with the rest of the group. As I shared, I felt a little embarrassed, though no one there did anything to make that happen. "The lie I believe a lot," I heard myself admit, "is that other people are idiots, and that I have it all together- even though I know I don't".

Most people had other answers. Answers like, "I easily believe the lie that maybe God never really said _______ is a sin", or "I easily believe that my heart and feelings are true, instead of God's word". Those are good, honest answers. My answer was honest, too. But I came away feeling embarrassed about my answer, because that simple little answer told so much about my heart.

The Ugliest Thing About Me

You see, what my answer revealed is that my heart is filled with pride. Even though I really do love people and try to treat them well, I often find myself with a better-than-thou attitude when people say something that I believe is ridiculous.

It is important to me to stand firm in my moral values and biblical beliefs, and that's a good thing. But what's not a good thing is having a bad attitude towards people who don't have the same moral values and beliefs that I do. Thinking to myself, "they are so dumb to think that!", is not a Christ-like attitude (even if it's sometimes true). Why? Because we all fall short. Admittedly, some more than others, but we are all equally in need of a savior, equally in need of a heart change, and all susceptible to wrong thinking. And therefore, instead of my prideful attitude, I need to come at it with love, even when the other party does not.

I'm a self conscious person, and I feel like I am too fat, my nose is too big, my eyes are too close together, etc., but after I heard my own life group "confession", I realized that the ugliest thing about me has nothing to do with physical appearance. It isn't my nose, my weight, or my acne. The ugliest thing about me is my prideful heart that creates a crappy attitude towards people that I should be showing intentional love to.

The ugliest thing we can do is let sin in our hearts. All the highlights, acne solutions, expensive makeup, or weight loss in the world cannot hide the unattractiveness of sin. We can try to bury it. We can pretend it doesn't exist. We can smile and act like we've got it all together- but none of us do. We all have sins that we need to tackle through God's help. That's the only way to wipe away the ugly.


Find the Ugly

Now, with that said, let me just say this- wiping away pride (or whatever sin) does not mean you shouldn't have an opinion. It does not mean you shouldn't stand by your beliefs. What it does mean though, is that we've got to remember that when someone isn't living like they should, or they believe something that we feel is ridiculous, we need to change our mindset to love them with a deep compassion for their lack of understanding of the truth. We need to go from prideful and irritated to kind and genuinely concerned.

So my challenge to you, dear friend, is to stop looking at physical appearance (your own, and that of others). In that regard, you are beautiful- and so are they. Instead, look deep within and see if there is any ugliness hiding in your heart. When you find it (because you will), ask God to transform you, and work to live out that transformation. Also ask Him to help you have compassion on the "ugliness" of others. We all need grace in our lives.



23 comments

  1. Wow! Thank you for being so vulnerable. Definitely things to think about. Daily I need to pray: Search my heart O God!

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    1. Thank you for reading Marsha! We all need to pray that!

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  2. I really like your response to the biggest lie you believe. Gosh it is so easy as a Christian to think you are better than other people. Look at us, we've got it all sorted...everyone else is a mess :P But that pride thing is a real thorn-in-the-side.

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    1. So true, Megan. We really do act like that a lot, when really we have done nothing. It's all God.

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  3. Your blog posts are always amazing and this one is no exception! It's actually funny because I notice the same thing in myself - and I'm not even a Christian! But I'll see how I sometimes look down on people or think their beliefs are silly or judge how they don't have this-or-that all together ... you really made me reflect just now! Honestly, I think we do this to justify our own behavior, hide from our pains, run away from our truth. I don't pray, but I'll journal about this! (Sounding like the most typical new-age millennial, haha)!

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    1. Luna, I really appreciate your comment! It means a lot to me that you enjoy my blog even though we have differing beliefs! Thank you so much for letting me know that!
      You are so right that it is definitely a defense mechanism. It just doesn't work. You'd think us humans would learn ;)
      And haha, yes, yes you do ;)

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  4. Your self-awareness comes through so beautifully in your posts. This post hit me at home. I am essentially an unfundamentalist Christian in that I struggled to find a church home that aligned with what God was telling my heart. I am humbled in HIS presence and discovering love for all people has been what he has shown me.

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  5. I love the honesty in this Kristin! I totally understand what you mean about the ugliest thing about you. It takes so much strength and courage to go inward and acknowledge things like that. It's something I try to practice everyday. Self awareness is so important in not recreating the past generations mistakes.

    Rachel | www.theconfusedmillennial.com

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    1. Exactly! There is so much to learn if we'd just take the time for a little introspection.

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  6. This was amazing!! I definitely have a habit too of being prideful in how I view myself versus others!! If we were all honest with ourselves I'm sure we'd realize some of our worst qualities are inside and not out if we're not careful.
    Kelsey
    www.thepeacockroost.com

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    1. Thank you so much, Kelsey! We've all got bad qualities to work through, we just have to identify them first :)

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  7. This is excellent, Kristin. I'm so glad you shared it, because when you did, the Lord used it to show me that I struggle with the exact.same.thing. I am so judgmental and so ungracious toward people at times! Thank you for challenging us to confess our sins and to walk in holiness, following the Lord's example.

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    1. I am glad the Lord used this to help you, Julie. But I know how unfun it is to have those types of things shown to us as well.

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  8. I admire your bravery, Kristin! Admitting our flaws is so hard to do!

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    1. Thank you, Brittany! I think we can all learn from each other.

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  9. Your posts are always so deep and always get me thinking on another level. I love that! I do find that the comparison game and judging comes too easily in our society.

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    1. Thank you, Alexis! I appreciate that. I am glad you enjoyed it and that it resonated with you <3

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  10. Yes, I agree with these comments. I love to see how you've grown since I've known you and I always enjoy seeing what you'll talk about next.

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    1. Thank you, Kayla! I am glad to be with you on your journey too!

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  11. I was just thinking something along these same lines. I was thinking about how everyone on each political side thinks those on the other side are idiots. It's interesting that the first reaction that most human beings have when someone disagrees with them is to question that person's intelligence. I guess that's an ugly side we all have to contend with. Great post Kristin!

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    1. Thank you, Paula! It's so true! I don't know why we go immediately to that, but it really is a natural reaction!

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  12. My mother and I were discussing this just yesterday. We don't mean to be prideful but it's so hard sometimes when we see others disrespecting our Lord and our faith. We both agree to try harder to just be Jesus (as best as we can) to those people.

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    1. Yes! That is so important and a very good attitude to replace pride with!

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