The Most Embarrasing Stories Ever

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Have you ever done something so dumb or so naive that, after the deed was done, you wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there a while? I feel like everyone has experienced that at some point in their lives. We all do really embarrassing things- I know I have.

What's funny is, if the moment was a long time ago, you probably don't think about it anymore. But if you are like me, every once in a while, something will trigger the memory and you find yourself blushing all over again.

I'm really appreciative of these sorts of stories though. Once I get over the cringe-worthy feelings of embarrassment, I realize that these stories serve to make me (and others) laugh. And since I love making others laugh, and I love when people have a smile on their face, I decided to share one of my embarrassing moments, and I asked a few other bloggers to do the same.

The point of this post is to make you smile and make your day one that is filled with chuckles. So enjoy the cringyness!

Funny Embarrassing Stories

My Story- Balls

When I was in fourth grade, I had a crush on a kid named Daniel. Daniel was the kid that every little fourth grade girl thought was a hot, steamy, hunk-of-burnin'-love. Ya know the kind. Every class has one. And every class also has an awkward kid or two...I was one of them.

One day while we were all at recess, I was at the basketball court when Daniel and his friend came walking in my direction. They were discussing how many balls they had. "I have two balls", I heard. So, being the naive little girl I was, and wanting so badly to impress Daniel, I decided I would join in on the conversation: "I have four balls at home!", I said excitedly. The boys burst out into laughter and then went on their merry way. I wasn't sure what was so funny- I really did have four basketballs in the storage closet at home...


Is This Mud?

When I was growing up, my family used to visit my Aunt and Uncle's dairy farm in Southern Michigan.  I have fond memories of driving through corn fields and taking deep breaths of fresh, country air. On one particular visit, my cousins and I had lots of fun jumping on the trampoline of a family friend that lived right across from where many of the cows lived. For one reason or another, we decided to run across the street to visit the cows and feed them some grain.  
While the older boys ran as fast as they could across the street, I did everything I could to keep my little legs and arms pumping as fast as I could in order to catch up. They were older and faster and stronger, and I so desperately wanted to fit in.  When I finally caught up to them, the baying of cows and the smell of manure thick in the air, I saw that they were making a game jumping over what looked like strips of mud. In a desperate attempt to join in, I did my darndest to jump over the first set of "mud strips". Alas, I fell right smack dab in the middle of it. I remember looking down at my body firmly planted in what I was hoping was mud, and crying out desperately, "This is mud, right?!" amidst my cousins pointing and laughter, they replied, "NOPE! It's cow manure!" 
All I remember doing is crying and wailing over the fact that I literally landed myself in a pile of... cow crap. As a result, I had to bathe in the industrial sink in the barn and borrow a set of clothes from the family friend. It was a long, stinky, embarrassing day in the hot summer sun that my family still likes to bring up when we're all together! 
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The Kale Salad of Doom

You know when you have an embarrassing moment and don’t want anyone to know about it, well this isn’t one of those times. See, I truly don’t want this to happen to you, because I feel like you really may be one seemingly good decision away from this disastrous and mortifying event.  

You are trying to eat healthy and decide that instead of the delicious waffle fries at Chick-fil-a, you are going to take a chance on the superfood kale side salad.  After all, you had a donut for breakfast, and you need something fresh.  So you eat the the superfood kale salad, and it is ridiculously delcious.  You have a fun afternoon planned at the children’s museum of Raliegh while your husband is in class at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.  You make the 40 minute drive to Raleigh and your kiddos are sleeping in the backseat.  You don’t wake them, and you relish the few minutes of quite alone in your car you have just parked on the third floor of a parking garage.  Your one month old daughter wakes up and you decide to nurse her in the front seat while your son continues to sleep.  And then, something doesn’t feel right.  You’re not too worried because as a mom you are the champion of bladder and bowel control.  So just in case you get the stroller out and put the baby carrier on.  But now you are standing outside your SUV’s hatch and the gravity seems to be a good match for your tumultuous insides.  You actually start to panic and say a prayer along the lines of “God, please let me find bathroom in time.”  You see a total stranger two cars away and genuinely tell yourself that it’s a good idea that the stranger stay with your kids while you sprint to a bathroom.  But you don’t ask, because you think you can make it to the bathroom.  Your son is finally awake, and he is screaming.  In fact, both kids are screaming.  Your insides are scremaing.  You don’t know what to do so you make a break for it.  You snatch your son out of his carseat and put him in the stroller so fast, you probably have just set some sort of mothering record.  But you have to wear your daughter, so you turn to put her on your chest and your worst nightmare has just started.  You think, “Maybe it is just a tiny bit of gas and once it comes out, I will feel better and be able to make it to the bathroom.”  But it’s not gas.  And you can’t make it to the bathroom.  And now you are standing there, in a parking garage with a screaming toddler in a stroller and a screaming baby in the front seat, and your insides collecting in your favorite pair of jeans.  Replaying the scene in Bridesmaids where Lillian crosses the street in a wedding dress.  “It’s happening."  

So what now?  

Well, you’re not just a mom.  You’re a prepared mom.  You have an extra pair of pants, underwear, baby wipes, trash bags, lysol wipes, and no more dignity left to lose, so you waddle over to your son, feeling like he looks in a saggy diaper, and you just put him back in the car.  He is still screaming bloody murder, because he doesn’t know that his mom ate enough fiber in that side salad to feed a small nation and has just crapped herself in a parking garage.  You waddle to the front of your car, scoping out bystanders and vehicles passing by, not daring to make eye contact but enough glimpse to know they aren’t looking at you.  You take off your pants, and well, there is no saving them so you put them in your grocery sack.  A quick funeral for your favorite jeans.  Because you lost your dignity from a side salad, you might as well use the entire pack of baby wipes and lysol wipes to clean yourself.  You double bag the evidence. You are still talking out loud to  your children since the car doors are open, and you reassure them that they are okay and that mommy is just “folding up the stroller and cleaning up your mess.”  You change into your other undies and pants.  You put your son back in the stroller.  You strap on your daughter.  You shut the car doors.  You lock the car. And you make your way to the elevator, dropping the soiled bag into the trash before you leave the parking garage.  Nothing has happened.  You walk to the museum and text your husband, “I crapped my pants LOL".  You laugh, because what else can you do.

See, I don’t want this event to happen to you.  So that is why I am giving you this heads up, if you eat the kale superfood side salad, just be near a bathroom within the hour.  Not that I know any of this from experience or anything, but just trust me. 
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Checking the Cervix

When I was in labor for my middle son, my sister came by for a little while. I didn't mind because labor had taken almost 12 hours by the time she got there and to be completely honest...I was bored. Cat, a little over 18, and her friend D were hanging out with my best friend, my husband and I when the midwife came in. The midwife did all the checks and then said quite pointedly to Cat and her friend "I'm checking her cervix now...do you want to leave?"
Well my poor baby sister had no idea what that meant and apparently thought you could check a cervix...I'm not even sure she knew what the cervix was! Anyway, D and Cat both insisted they were fine to stay and up went my legs into the stir-up and UP went the blanket that had been covering my lady parts...and down went both their faces! To this day when I see D her face goes bright red and she avoids all eye contact. And Cat will insist that she is my favorite because she has seen it ALL. 
At least now they know to leave the room in the event of  cervix check?
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Well friends, that's it for today. I hope these stories gave you a good laugh, brought a smile to your face, and maybe made you realize that it isn't just you- everyone in the world has at least one weird, embarrassing moment (but they probably have a lot more than one) 😉
















19 comments

  1. AHHHHAHAHA BALLS 😂🙈 i would have done the same thing in fourth grade hahahahaha!

    and it really doesn't get worse than Kale Salad. omg

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  2. Bahahhaah, thanks for the humor this morning! It was desperately needed! I like the "Balls" one because as an elementary school teacher, it's just so darn hilarious to watch the kids act all silly and awkward when they hear the word, "balls."

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  3. Lol!!! All great stories!!! I might never eat the side salad from chick fil a though, hahaha!

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  4. Thank you so much for providing some great laughs for my day! The mud story is fantastic.

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  5. These are AMAZING! HAHAHA! Seriously laughing while reading. I love the balls story...hahaha! This post is genius!

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  6. Omg these are hilarious! I've had so many embarrassing moments in my life...where to even begin?! Probably the first one would be when I was singing in the talent show and dropped my microphone in 8th grade. Still remember that!

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  7. HAHA I love the Bridesmaids reference! These stories are great!

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  8. This was too funny, especially the poop-parking garage story!

    xoxo, SS

    Southern And Style

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  9. Haha this is just exactly what I needed today. It happens to the best of us :P

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  10. HAHA these are amazing!! IT takes me back to reading cosmopolitan back in the day where they had people's stories hahah!! Love!

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  11. Oh my gosh the kale salad one...she was so prepared! Makes me remember some of my cringeworthy moments too

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  12. HAHAHA OH MAN these are gold. I swear, every good mother has pooped her pants! I've done SEVERAL posts on my own embarrassing stories. Laughing at yourself is the BEST!

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  13. I literally think I would have died if I would have jumped in a whole pile of cow manure. All of these made me LOL!!! Thanks for sharing these funny yet embarrassing stories!

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  14. Bahahaha I was laughing so loud. Great stories. Thx for sharing.

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  15. I've read this post three times because each story makes me laugh so hard!! Gotta keep it real sometimes. Love it!!!

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  16. lol oh boy! That one with the kale salad - hahaha! I feel like I've blocked most of my embarrassing stories from my mind.

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  17. Haha! This is awesome! It definitely brightened my day - and I needed it! Today was ROUGH! All these experiences are such great stories now but I know they were not fun in the moment. Thanks to all of you for sharing!
    xoxo Lauren | Glitter & Grandeur

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  18. So funny! Your post reminded me of my childhood. Loved all the stories. :-)

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  19. No no no hahahah the kale salad story has me peeeinggggg laughing!!!

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