Why You Should Not Stop Pursuing Others

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Have you ever tried so hard to reach out to someone, but they just won't let you get anywhere close? You want to be their for them, you want to show them kindness, and you just can't get them out of your mind, but every time you step towards them they take three steps back?

I've always been easily offended and self-conscious, so when someone acts like this towards me, I often feel as if I have offended them, annoyed them, or that they just don't like me. I start panicking, wandering what I did. I start thinking of ways to ask them if I did something wrong, or ways that I can make them like me more.

But the truth of the matter is, sometimes, a person keeping their distance has nothing to do with me. Most of the time, in fact, they aren't offended, they aren't annoyed- they just have something on their mind and they are feeling distant from the world.




Each person we come into contact with has secret struggles that we know nothing about. And whether those struggles are small or large, it affects the way a person functions. And because of this, people often remain trapped inside their own thoughts, feeling disconnected from the world, but needing a friend oh-so badly!

We all need friends, support, and encouragement, yet when we are so trapped inside our worries and fears that we can't see straight, we tend to push away the one's who seek us out and pursue us. But when we come out on the other side of those hard times we often realize just how grateful we are that people kept pursuing us, despite how difficult we were being during the process.

So I believe that we should keep that in mind when we pursue others.

Where would we be if our close friends gave up on us when we were in the midst of our darkest times? Where would we be if everyone just shrugged and brushed us off as a lost cause?


Read the Room


Now,  before I go any further, I have to say- sometimes people just won't like me and sometimes they won't like you. Sometimes I forget to bring my filter with me and I can say things that unknowingly hurt others (I'm working on it). I'm sure you've done the same at some point. So yeah, we definitely have to read the room, and if it genuinely seems like we are part of the problem, then we need to back off. But I believe that a lot of the time, people pull away when they need us most.

When that's the case, we need to be persistent. We need to show that person (in the least obnoxious way possible) that we are not going anywhere. We need to refuse to take their cold-shoulder personally, and realize that there is more to the situation than we can see. In these moments, we should not stop pursuing, even if it hurts us, confuses us, or frustrates us.

The bigger picture of being there for someone in need is far more important than someone reciprocating our efforts and friendship.

11 comments

  1. A lot of truth here. I had to learn to give people the benefit of the doubt. I would often jump to conclusions or assume I knew what they thought or meant by something and would always assume the worst case scenario. But I'm trying to learn to give benefit of the doubt and try to spin it in a positive way. I analyze things way more than people ever intend them to be! It's a learning process.

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  2. Yes, yes, yes! Cross oceans for people! Love them! I love this. :)

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  3. I love this post Kristin! I can relate to so much of it. I think one of the best lessons I've learned from my fiance is that just because feelings are hurt or it's difficult to trust and let others in, it doesn't mean we can't grow past it and push through the discomfort to come out better for it <3 We need people. We need reciprocation, love, and support. If someone is struggling, we need to lift them up to get through the tough time. So agree with all of this!!!

    Rachel | www.theconfusedmillennial.com

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  4. Very well said— I can relate to so much of it. We definitely need people, and sometimes people need us even more even when they might not show. Love this post!

    — DT | Here I Scribble

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  5. This is a great post and a great way to look at things. I am guilty of giving up when people give me to cold shoulder. I have also been a person to pursue others. The truth is I hate rejection like many people. I think that is why I don't continue to pursue but I'm working on it.

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  6. You have such a good perspective on this! It makes me think back to the times where maybe I've given up a little too quickly or felt really discouraged when it seems like all my efforts are not being returned. And maybe I've been guilty of not responding to others pursuit of me as well. Thanks for the encouragement to chase after those friendships!!!

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  7. So true! Very wise sentiments here. I have been one of those people the last few months. I have so much on my mind and going on behind the scenes, that conversing with people in even the smallest of ways seems like a chore. Yet, I have some around me, thank goodness, that continue to pursue me. Even in this hard season. I can tell you, it does not go unnoticed. Thank you for writing this!

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    1. I am very sorry you have been going through a tough time. I hope things get better soon. And how wonderful that you have people standing by you. Make sure they know they are appreciated :)

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  8. So true. I know that sometimes people are dealing with lots of other things - but when they push you away it's always hard to know exactly how to handle that sort of situation. I want people to know I'm here for them when they're ready.

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    1. It's definitely not easy, Becky! It can be so easy to be offended by someone pushing us away and it can also be easy to be the one's doing the pushing when life get's tough. But hard or not, it's still worth it :)

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  9. I couldn't agree more on trying to help others when they push us away. That's happened to me so many times with friends. Loved this post! xo

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