4 Ways To Have a Fresh Start When Someone Hurts You

Sometimes I think that one of the easiest things in the world to do is to hold onto a grudge. When someone has genuinely hurt us, it's hard to instantaneously forgive and move on. But holding a grudge is never a good idea. We know that. It's not healthy emotionally (or even physically), and it does nothing but cause us problems. But how do we have a fresh start when someone has hurt us? Is that even possible? And do we even want it?

I think most of us would want a fresh start. Maybe not always. There are some people who just too toxic to try to keep around. And in those cases, I have a whole other set of advice. But when it comes to people we love and who are best kept in our lives, we have to figure out the best way to have a fresh start and move forward.

Clearly we can't keep sitting in our anger, hanging onto grudges like they are some kind of silly lifeline. But how do we make the shift? Today I'm sharing 4 Ways to Have a Fresh Start When Someone Hurts You.

Stop Bringing Up the Past

I know, I know. All you can think about is the past sometimes. The unkind words, the unwillingness to be flexible, or the back-stabbing you never expected. I get it. It's hard not to bring up something that cut you deeply. But if you really want a fresh start, you've got to stop bringing up the past.

Did they lie to you last year? If you've already addressed it and worked through it, then don't bring it up again. Did they criticize you in an area you are ultra -sensitive about? Still, if you talked it over already, do not make it an issue again.

After all, how can you have a fresh start if you are constantly dwelling on the stale and imperfect past?

Forgive Their Short-Comings

Forgiveness directly ties into my previous point. This is because if you are constantly mulling someones flaws over in your mind (or throwing them in their face), you are never going to be able to truly forgive them.

Forgiveness doesn't somehow say that what they did was okay, but it does release them from your anger and bitterness, and it tells them that you are willing to wipe the slate clean and start over. But if you are unwilling to forgive, you are going to keep on bringing up their flaws and they are going to feel just as hurt, frustrated, and defeated as you do about the situation.

And friends, think about it this way: What if God forgave like we do? What if God was constantly throwing our short-comings in our face, bringing up our past, and only half-way forgiving us? It'd be a disaster, right? So instead of doing things your own way and holding grudges and bringing up past hurts, do things God's way instead. He's really good at fresh starts.

Don't Let Issues Build Up

Letting issues fester instead of talking to each other respectfully when issues arise is a terrible idea. Chances are, if you avoid communicating your frustrations for very long, you're going to explode and make the situation way worse than it has to be.

As a personal example, last week I was really frustrated by how messy our house was. I felt annoyed because in my brain (which can be a very scary place sometimes 😬😂) it seemed like it wasn't as much of a priority to Taylor as it should be. But I didn't address it and I just let myself continue to be annoyed. Then the following week, when Taylor legitimately didn't have any time to help, I was, um, less than tactful when I finally said something to him. Instead of calmly addressing the fact that I felt like he had been slacking for the past week or so, I acted like a douche-monkey over something else very small.

Long story short? Communicate and don't hold things in. Don't be a douche-monkey! 😋

Take a Look Inward

Make sure you also take time to look inside yourself. Have you contributed to the problem? How might the other person perceive your actions? Try to see it through their eyes before acting out against them.

Sometimes our intentions might not be clear, and it is possible that we've aggravated the situation without realizing it. To have a real fresh start that works and lasts, this is a very important piece of the puzzle. Humility goes a long way.

Starting Fresh Doesn't Mean You Have to Be Taken Advantage Of

Just because you are trying to have a fresh start doesn't mean that you can't say how you are feeling about a situation. You can communicate and say how you feel while still forgiving, giving grace, and moving forward. So don't become a pushover as you try to have a fresh start. Instead, be committed to learning the art of being kind and forgiving, while still being willing to stand up for yourself when necessary. The key is being able to tell the difference, and remembering that the end goal is a fresh start, not necessarily "winning" a debate.

I hope these tips help and encourage you as you navigate the more tricky relationships in your life.

New Year, Fresh Start

Everyone always thinks of the new year as a fresh start. Most people set resolutions and goals, or at least attempt a new diet or exercise plan. I have been known to set the same new years resolutions year-after-year, only to fail. There's a reason for that, ya know... the thing about a fresh start is that we have to keep working at it every day. Fresh starts happen every day, even when it doesn't feel so fresh anymore.

The problem is, we tend to look at fresh starts as a yearly occurrence. But depending on your level of self-discipline, the feeling of a fresh start may dwindle pretty dang quickly! Some people have more will-power than I do. However, it's well know that many people give up on their resolutions far before the end of the following year.

So what do we do when the motivation we had yesterday is gone today? What do we do when we are tired, weary, frustrated, or hopeless?

Fresh Starts are a Choice

Here's the thing about fresh starts- they are a daily choice! They don't come once a year or once a month. They don't even come once a week. Fresh Starts come every day, every hour, and every minute.

We all make mistakes. We all fall short, and we all have moments of weakness. We are going to fail on our resolutions, goals, and dreams at least a little bit and at least for a short time. But if we failed an hour ago, that doesn't change the fact that we can still do a good job for the rest of the day.

Why do we so often feel that if we mess up once, we might as well give up and start again next year. Geesh! That is a terrible idea, guys! Just because you ate an entire pizza last night doesn't mean that the rest of your year is blown. Just because you smoked a cigarette after weeks of being clean doesn't mean that you should just quit. Whatever it is that you've failed at in the moment, dust yourself off, repent/make amends if need be, and make the rest of the day (and the next day, and the next) count!

Find Some Accountability 

Plain and simple- going it alone is just not as effective for most people. We all need someone to verbally "slap us in the face" when we get off track. We need someone who will tell it like it is and who truly cares about our goals and well-being.

Oh, and your accountability partner needs to be someone who is self-disciplined on their own.
What's the point in asking someone to keep you accountable who is undisciplined and probably won't even remember to check up on you? Answer- there is no point at all.

Forgive Yourself

Fresh starts require a lot of grace. They require that we forgive ourselves for our failures and that we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. Fresh starts can only exist if we believe in ourselves, and we aren't going to believe in ourselves if we cannot let go of our past failures.

Seriously, guys! Let it go. We have got to give ourselves grace, forgive ourselves, trust God for his help, and believe that we can accomplish what we have set out to do.

Friends, mistakes are inevitable. But fresh starts are all about making the choice to move forward and do well NOW. Forget what you did yesterday, or even an hour ago. Your fresh start begins as soon as you decide that it does!

I'm here cheering you on. And I wish you a wonderful, goal-achieving new year!

What are your goals for the new year? Do you need to improve in any of the areas I talked about today? Comment below.

Goals for the New Year

Happy New Year, you guys!

Hopefully you didn't stay out tooooo late last night, and hopefully you aren't "feelin' it" today.

Last night, Taylor and I went over to our friend's house and hung out with her and her husband and a couple other friends. Being that we are old people (especially me), we headed home before the New Year came into existence.

I know everyone and their brother is going to be posting a resolutions post today, but that's ok. Hopefully something I say will inspire you differently than the way someone else inspires you. We can all help each other in different ways.

First of all, let me say that resolutions are really just goals. It's good to have goals. But if you only create goals because it's a New Year and you "just should", then there's no point. Within a month you'll have given up. Only create goals that you really are passionate about accomplishing.

So first off, here are the personal goals I am passionate about accomplishing this year.

Personal Goals

Tithe- I really believe in the importance of obeying God by tithing, but Taylor and I have barely tithed since we've gotten married. Our funds are so slim that we don't tithe, but I truly believe that we should trust God to provide for us. He will honor the fact that we are giving our "first fruits" to Him.

My relationship with God- Ever since I went to college (gosh, that was 6 years ago!) my time spent with God has been ridiculously minimal. I still live for him. I still pray daily. But my prayers tend to be very Kristin-focused, and my Bible reading is sparse (and that's being generous).
Part of this is because of my anxiety and some spiritual and mental battles I face. Some of this is selfishness with my time. And some of this is just down-right laziness. I mean, I can binge-watch and entire series on Netflix before I decide to read my Bible...wow, Kristin...just wow.

Weight/Health- I've gained 110 pounds since my Freshman year of college. I hate the way I look and I hate the way I feel. I've tried and tried to lose weight, but I always give up. I love french fries and I hate discipline. But I want to be healthy. I want to glorify God through taking care of my body. And I want to feel pretty again. I want to feel like I look nice for my husband, instead of feeling like a blob. He doesn't feel that way about me, but I feel that way about myself.

I don't want to just tell you guys what I want or wish for. I want to have a plan and goal. So here is my plan and my goals for my personal resolutions.

January
By the end of January, I want to have lost five pounds. I plan to do this by cooking at home, cooking with less grease and fat and adding in more vegetable, and by exercising (walking or doing Just Dance on Wii) at least three times/week.

As far as tithing goes, by the end of January, I want us to have decided on our church (we have it narrowed down to two) and pull out 10% off the top of every paycheck we receive. I desire to continue this through the year.

For Bible reading, by the end of January I want to be listening to Audio Bible
2 times per week and physically reading my Bible 1 time per week.

February
By the end of February, I want to have lost another 3 pounds (8 total). I plan to increase my exercise to 4 times/week.

For Bible reading, by the end of February I want to be listening to Audio Bible
3 times per week and physically reading my Bible 1 time per week.

March
By the end of March, I want to have lost another 5 pounds (13 total). I plan to keep my exercise at 4 times/week.

For Bible reading, by the end of March I want to be listening to Audio Bible
3 times per week and physically reading my Bible 2 time per week.

April
By the end of April, I want to have lost another 5 pounds (18 total). I plan to keep my exercise at 4 times/week, but start looking for different types of workouts I can do through the hot, Charlotte Summer.

For Bible reading, by the end of April I want to be listening to Audio Bible
3 times per week and physically reading my Bible 2 time per week.

May
By the end of May, I want to have lost another 8 pounds (26 total). I plan to keep my exercise at 4 times/week, and start swapping in those summer workouts.

For Bible reading, by the end of May I want to be listening to Audio Bible
2 times per week and physically reading my Bible 3 time per week.

June
By the end of June, I want to have lost another 8 pounds (34 total). I plan to reduce my workouts to 3/week, because of the heat. However, I want to make sure that those workouts are slightly longer/more intense.

For Bible reading, by the end of June I want to be listening to Audio Bible
2 times per week and physically reading my Bible 3 time per week.

July-August
Lose another 16 pounds (50 total) while staying at 3 workouts/week.

Stay with listening to Audio Bible 2 times per week and physically reading my Bible 3 time per week.

September-November
Lose another 15 pounds (65 total). Increase my workouts back to 4 times/week and do as many of them outside as possible.

Stick with same Bible routine, adding in more when possible.

December
Lose 5 more pounds, but allow myself to enjoy holiday treats (in moderation). Continue to exercise 4 times/week.


Now for my blog and business goals.

Blog and Business Goals

Blog- I want to grow my readership and monetize my blog.

Add Items to Etsy- I want to add jewelry, wax melts, headbands, and more candle scents to my Etsy shop.

Buy a camera- I want to put away $10 every month towards a camera (which may mean it takes me well over a year to save up, but that's ok).



These goals are going to take a lot of hard work, perseverance, and dedication, but I believe that I can do it.

What about you? Do you have lofty goals? Good for you. Go after them!