Seminary Wife Life: The Blessings and the Challenges

When Taylor and I packed up and moved to Charlotte last year, we knew we were in for an adventure. We had never moved away together. We had never lived in a city, and we only knew a handful of people. We were excited for our first big adventure as a married couple, but also completely unsure of what to expect.

Our naive little selves had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. We didn't know how bad the Charlotte traffic was (not really, anyway), we didn't know it would suddenly be harder than ever to make friends, and we didn't know it would take us months upon months to decide on a church.

We knew that we were entering uncharted territory, and we knew that it wouldn't be easy. We expected great things and hard things, and that's exactly what we've gotten.

Seminary Wife Life is hard stuff, you guys! It has more challenges than I anticipated, but it has also come with many blessings.

Challenge #1- We are learning a lot...

Seminary Wife Life comes with lots of lessons to learn.

Learning is hard, because learning means seeing our faults. Nuff' said.

Blessing #1- We are learning a lot!

I am learning to be more patient, kind, and helpful even when I want to be selfish. I am slowwwwwly learning to be more of the person that God has called me to be, even if it's taking a lot longer than I would like it to! Isn't it funny that one of our biggest challenges is also one of our greatest blessings?!

Challenge #2- "Being well-rested" is quite possibly a myth...

Seriously, what is it about this stage of life that turns me into a zombie? It doesn't matter if I get enough sleep, have a relaxed day at work, or anything else for that matter- I'm still exhausted all the time. And poor Taylor never gets a break. He has a better excuse than I do.

Blessing #2- We are Adulting more efficiently

Well, sometimes we are anyway. Adulting is hard and honestly we're not very good at it, but we are getting there. Being at least an hour away from both sets of families and having to rent a home, take care of our cars, and be responsible adults (HA!) has not been easy, but I feel like maybe me and Taylor are starting to see what we need to do to #adultsuccessfully. Baby-steps, my friends... baby steps.

Challenge #3 And speaking of Taylor, has anyone seen my husband?!

I knew I would see Taylor less. It comes with any sort of grad school situation. But good grief, Charlie Brown! Unless I stay up wayyyy past my bed time or go eat a hot dog multiple times a week at the restaurant Taylor works at, I barely see him. And we do our best to make it work. Taylor sometimes brings me lunch on his break or meets me for lunch. And me? I have never eaten so many flippin' hot dogs in my entire life. They are very good, but seriously, I'm so sick of hot dogs!

Blessing #3 We cherish our time together

Taylor and I know now that during this season, we are just going to see each other less. We have less time for dates, to hang out with friends, or to go on trips. So when we do have opportunities for such things, we usually take them. Sometimes our trips have to be solo. Taylor has gone back to the mountains without me a couple of times, and I've gone to the beach without him. It's not ideal, but we make it work. And when we have time together, I think we better-understand now that we need to cherish that time.

Honestly, there are more challenges than this, and there are more blessings. If you guys are interested, I could definitely do a second installment or something similar. If that's something you'd like to see, let me know in the comments.

God is teaching us so much. It can be obnoxious when we'd rather have a cushy life than be stretched and challenged, but God is faithful and it's a good thing He doesn't just do what we want Him to do, or base His plans, His will, or His timing on how we are feeling.

Be encouraged, wonderfuls! Things take time.

What I've Learned From My First Six Months As a Seminary Wife

Since moving to Charlotte in August of 2015, there have been a lot of ups and downs. Between Taylor's classes, Taylor's job, Taylor's homework, my job, my blog, trying to find a church, and trying to get settled into a city that is much larger than we are used to, life has been hard.

There's always some bill we haven't paid yet, always something left to clean, and always something to "get through". Don't get me wrong- I have a great life- but I do get weary of some of these trials that keep coming our way.

But trials are not without lessons. I've already learned a lot since moving here, and I have a feeling I'll be learning a whole lot more.

1.) I am not nearly as nice as I thought I was

Seriously, this is hard for me to admit. I always thought of myself as super nice. I thought of myself as "the sweet girl who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt". But I am learning that when I am in a rough situation, I am not very nice at all. I put all the blame on my hubby for things that are at least partially my own fault. I am learning to be humble and realize that I am more flawed that I thought.

2.) I am selfish

When Taylor and I decided to move to Charlotte so that he could attend seminary, I was well-aware of the fact that I would have to be the "bread-winner" for a while. I knew I might have to put in longer hours than I was use to, and that I may have to "just deal with it" for a while. I agreed to that. I encouraged Taylor to go to seminary (and I am still so glad that he did).
Yet I find myself constantly wanting to be lazy. Constantly wanting to lay on the couch every second of my day off. Yes, I am tired. Yes, my hip and back are in some pain. But I am also just very selfish about my days off. Taylor only gets one day off a week. I get three. I have come to realize how selfish I am with my time.

3.) I am desperately in need of a savior.

I've been a Christian for a long time now. I know I need Jesus. I know that He is my only way to God. And yet, when I look at my list of flaws, I continue to try to fix it myself. I just keep striving to stop being selfish, and stop being mean, instead of allowing God to work from the inside out to correct those issues. I see myself more clearly, and I cannot fix what I see. God has to do that.

And the thing is, those flaws I mentioned above? They don't make me a terrible person. They don't make me less of a Christian or unlovable. They make me human- a human in need of God's grace.

I need God's grace every minute of every day. I didn't just need it when I became a Christian. I need it in every moment, all the time. And thankfully, that's how often God gives His grace!

4.) My husband is a hard worker

In college, Taylor and I both slacked off. We were so excited to have each other, and be in college, that we did a lot more hanging out, playing disc golf, and going to coffee shops than we did on our school work. But as our marriage has progressed, and especially since moving to Charlotte, I have seen my husband work very hard. He spends nearly all of his time either going to school or working at his part-time (nearly full-time) job. Add to that how committed he is to going to church on Sundays, even though that is his only day off, and I have to say, I've been very impressed.

5.) I expect perfection

I never thought I expected people to be perfect- and maybe I didn't for a while. But as I have gotten older, I have given people less grace. I have some suspicions about why that may be, and in some ways, I don't really blame myself. But in other ways, I see very clearly that I expect too much of a fairy tale. I have been expecting my husband, my family, my friends, and everyone I come in contact with to be perfect, yet I have given myself a whole lot of grace.

6.) Perfect doesn't exist

Other than God himself, perfection is a myth. People will hurt me. People will disappoint me. But guess what- I'll do the same to them. Perfect people do not exist. That doesn't mean that I quit trying. It means that when people fail me, I give them grace and cling to Jesus and His perfection.

7.) I like myself

It sounds strange, but as much as I have seen my flaws recently, I have also started to see my good qualities. I used to have a lot less self-esteem. Now I do like some things about myself. I do think I am funny. I think a lot of my quirks are endearing. I think I can encourage people really well. It's not that I never thought those things about myself before, but I see them more clearly now too.
Yes, as far as my sins go, I don't like myself very much. But as far as some of my personality traits go, I actually like me. It's hard for people to learn to like themselves. I've got a long way to go, but I think I've begun to learn.

8.) Things really are for a season

Before Taylor and I moved to Charlotte, we were hosting a bible study in our home. We weren't the "leaders", we were just the hosts. And though we didn't do anything huge for anyone, I still felt like we were able to be an encouragement. I felt like we were able to make tiny little differences just by opening our home to others and hopefully being a light while they were there.
But now that we have moved, we only have a few friends, and we never see them. We are very secluded, and it gets very lonely. We don't get much time together, so we definitely don't have time to serve together, host anything, or make a difference in the community together. I tend to beat myself up about this. I think things like "Christian couples should be out in the community leading people to Christ, or hosting a bible study that helps someone grow".
But every marriage has seasons. Taylor is following the call of God by going to seminary so that he can- we can- make a difference for the Lord even more fully. Just because we aren't serving at a soup kitchen, feeding the homeless, leading people in prayers for salvation, or bringing people in our home for Bible study, doesn't mean we aren't pleasing to God. God has us in a very busy, very trying season right now. The next season (whatever it may be) will hold different things. But all of it is for God's glory. Taylor going to seminary and working at his job is for God's glory. Me working as a nanny and working on my blog is for God's glory. I hope that the next season of life brings more opportunity for joint ministry with Taylor, but that doesn't make this season any less worth-while, any less rewarding, or any less God-given.

Don't read this post and think, "wow, she is just beating herself up". I do that sometimes, but that's not what this is. I want everyone to know that wherever you are at, you can still learn and grow. Whether your current situation is easy or hard, fruitful or bare, frustrating or rewarding- you can choose to live free, live well, and grow. Just because something isn't perfect doesn't mean God has no purpose for you there. Seek God more than you have been. Ask Him to make your heart right, to change you, and to produce the fruits of the spirit within you.

You may end up learning some painful things about yourself, and you may have to make some changes, but learning those things and making those changes can help you get better. Ignorance is not bliss in those cases, because ignorance hinders growth.

Think for a moment about your life right now. What can you learn? What have you already learned? How can you better yourself during this time?