Last week, someone I love dearly called me to ask me about something they had given me and trusted me with. I had been hoping this conversation would never happen. I didn't want to admit that I could not find it. Perhaps it had gotten stored in a random box when we moved last August? I don't know. But one thing's for sure- there wasn't enough coffee in the world to soothe me after that phone call.
Though the item was mine, the person who gave it to me trusted me with something valuable. They trusted me to be responsible and I messed up. And being the people-pleaser that I am, I felt a sense of doom come upon me after talking to this person.
"I let them down. Now they won't trust me with any real responsibility. They won't think I am capable anymore. They won't be proud of me."
These were the thoughts that filled my mind as I sobbed with shame.
Understanding My RoleAfter my initial, overly-dramatic meltdown, I was rational enough (thanks to the hubs) to realize that all I had done was make a mistake. It was an unfortunate mistake, but nothing more. I realized that though, yes, I was at fault, there was nothing more I could do. I had admitted my mistake, asked forgiveness, and decided in my mind I would be more responsible from then on.
I could tell my loved-one was still mad at me, and was not going to let it go immediately. But again, I couldn't change that. They were angry. But I had done my part. The forgiveness and grace part was up to them.
Give Yourself GraceIt can be very discouraging when those we love are angry at us. I find it extremely hard to let that go. But just as I am learning that I cannot live by the expectations of others, I am also learning that I cannot let someone else's anger control me.
I messed up. It wasn't their mistake- it was mine. But once I had asked forgiveness and committed to doing a better job, I was free. It didn't erase my mistake, but at that point, I could not control their anger. I could not control whether or not they forgave me. I could only do my part.
Have you ever struggled with giving yourself grace once you've done all you can? Do you struggle to remember that their anger doesn't define you?
Today, let's strive to know that someone else's anger doesn't make us into a lesser person. If they stay mad, that doesn't mean we have less worth. Don't live based on other people's emotions about you. Do your part and move on.