What to Do When Someone is Mad At You (Mug-spiration Monday)

Last week, someone I love dearly called me to ask me about something they had given me and trusted me with. I had been hoping this conversation would never happen. I didn't want to admit that I could not find it. Perhaps it had gotten stored in a random box when we moved last August? I don't know. But one thing's for sure- there wasn't enough coffee in the world to soothe me after that phone call.

Though the item was mine, the person who gave it to me trusted me with something valuable. They trusted me to be responsible and I messed up. And being the people-pleaser that I am, I felt a sense of doom come upon me after talking to this person.

"I let them down. Now they won't trust me with any real responsibility. They won't think I am capable anymore. They won't be proud of me."

These were the thoughts that filled my mind as I sobbed with shame.

Understanding My Role

After my initial, overly-dramatic meltdown, I was rational enough (thanks to the hubs) to realize that all I had done was make a mistake. It was an unfortunate mistake, but nothing more. I realized that though, yes, I was at fault, there was nothing more I could do. I had admitted my mistake, asked forgiveness, and decided in my mind I would be more responsible from then on.

I could tell my loved-one was still mad at me, and was not going to let it go immediately. But again, I couldn't change that. They were angry. But I had done my part. The forgiveness and grace part was up to them.

Give Yourself Grace

It can be very discouraging when those we love are angry at us. I find it extremely hard to let that go. But just as I am learning that I cannot live by the expectations of others, I am also learning that I cannot let someone else's anger control me.

I messed up. It wasn't their mistake- it was mine. But once I had asked forgiveness and committed to doing a better job, I was free. It didn't erase my mistake, but at that point, I could not control their anger. I could not control whether or not they forgave me. I could only do my part.

Have you ever struggled with giving yourself grace once you've done all you can? Do you struggle to remember that their anger doesn't define you?
Today, let's strive to know that someone else's anger doesn't make us into a lesser person. If they stay mad, that doesn't mean we have less worth. Don't live based on other people's emotions about you. Do your part and move on.

How Should Christians Handle Expectations? (Part 3/3 in the series You Don't Owe Anyone Anything)

When I was a little girl, I watched my mom worship and serve God. I saw her love for Him, and I listened as she instructed me in the truths of God. And as I grew up, I wanted to serve the Lord well, because I knew He was true. Mama and I had lots of conversations about the Bible and how it instructs us.
But somewhere along the line, some of the things my mom taught me got lost in translation. I suppose I misinterpreted or misheard what she said. But every once in a while, Mama and I will be talking and she'll say something that surprises me. When I express my surprise, she often has no idea why I would think she believes differently.

As a people pleaser, I tend to put pressure on myself to believe what my loved-ones believe. I often buy into the big, fat lie that if I don't agree with them on something, I'll disappoint them or make them mad. Obviously, that's not the right way to look at things, and my loved-ones don't feel that way, but in my mind, it makes sense.

So when I had all these false ideas about what my mom believed, I also expected myself to believe them. I went off to college and was challenged on some of my biblical interpretations. But when I realized that I might not agree with everything I thought my mom believed, I panicked. I thought she'd think I was a heretic, or be mad at Taylor because he was one of the main people who challenged my views.

I had placed unnecessary expectations on myself- expectations that were causing fear in my life.

God and Expectations

I am learning now that first of all, just because my mom or husband believes something, doesn't mean I am obligated to agree with them. They may be people who have godly wisdom to give, but they are not the Bible. I should go there first.

But secondly, I am learning that Christians are free from human expectations, but bound by Christ's expectations.
Jesus says in Matthew 11:30 that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. A yoke is something that is attached to an ox as he plows the land. The ox is bound by the yoke, but the yoke helps him stay on course when the Master is steering.
God's yoke is similar.

When God gives us expectations, we are bound by them. We must live by them if we want to please God and give glory to Him. He doesn't place arbitrary expectations upon us, but only those that are good and beneficial.
His yoke is easy and His burden is light. This doesn't mean that life will be easy for us, but it does mean that God is taking care of us and His yoke will be kind. Everything God does and everything that God expects of us is for our good and His glory.

Christian Expectations

Don't allow yourself to confuse expectations from God and expectations of man. God's expectations are clear in His word. We may not always like what we are expected to do (our sinful hearts will kick and scream sometimes), but we must live by Christ's expectations out of love and reverence for Him.

But living our lives for Christ doesn't mean living by other Christian's expectations of us. Just because the pastor's wife asks you to bake 10 dozen cookies for the bake sale does not mean you have to do so. If you are able and willing to help, that's great, but declining to bake cookies does not make you a bad Christian.

Likewise, just because the doors to your church are opened on Sundays for two services and Sunday school, on Tuesday for small groups, and Wednesdays for another service, does not mean you have to be there for all of them. Yes, God wants us to worship Him with other believers- He wants us to go to church- but that does not mean you need to sign up for every event your church is putting on, nor do you have to attend every service. Some people feel obligated to do that, but that is a man-made expectation. The pressure to be in a church pew every time the doors are opened is not an expectation God has for you.

Saying No and Saying Yes

Get comfortable with saying "no" to your brothers and sisters in Christ. Sometimes they will place unfair and unnecessary expectations on you, but you do not have to accept those expectations.

Conversely, be willing and prepared to say "yes" to God's expectations, whether you like them or not. We may not like that He expects us to wait until marriage to have sex, or that He expects us to forgive even when we have been hurt deeply by someone we love, but what He expects of us is not only non-negotiable, but it is also good for us.

Christians, we should be living by God's expectations. He will not fail us, so we should do what He asks of us- we should live in His ways. We are not slaves to the opinions and expectations of others, and other people are not bound by what we expect of them either. Look to God's word to find what is required of us- to find God's expectations- and stop allowing your own self-imposed expectations to dictate your life and the lives of those around you.

You Owe God Everything (Part 2/3 in the series You Don't Owe Anyone Anything)

Imagine that you are perfect. Imagine that you have never made a mistake in your entire life, and that you have treated everyone you've met with the utmost love and mercy. Then, imagine that someone accused you of lying, and of making God a mockery. Imagine that everyone believed your accuser, and decided that you needed to be killed for your actions.

You Don't Owe Anyone Anything: A Three-Part Series on Expectations

Anytime I scroll through my Pinterest feed, watch television, or even read a magazine, I often find myself overwhelmed. The more I scroll, watch, or read, the more I see what I "should" be doing. What I "should" look like. And who I "should" be. I find myself longing to be thinner, more organized, more wifely-ish (that's a word, right?). And it's great that I want to be those things...unless the reason I want these things is because the world tells me I have to live by them.