Why We Should Encourage People Who "Don't Deserve It"

Hi friends! Long time no talk! I have been away from my blog for nearly two weeks and I don't like that feeling one bit. This was the biggest break I have taken in two years, and even though my time away allowed me to have some wonderful memories with several of my very best friends, I still missed the blogging world a lot. It feels good to be back.

Being with my friends always reminds me of how blessed I am and how many good gifts the Lord has given me. They remind me of all the years my mom spent praying for me to have good friends, and how many fun times my friends and I have shared throughout the years.

But after hanging out with good friends for a while, it can be really easy to become frustrated with people who aren't exactly my cup of tea. It's easy to compare them and wish they were like so-and-so, and it's so much easier to treat my best friends with love and encouragement than it is for me to treat someone who drives me nuts with the same sort of affection.

We all have people we don't like, or who drive us absolutely bonkers. And it's easy to push them aside and not give them the time of day. And when we aren't a fan of their personality or character, it makes sense that we wouldn't naturally shower them with as much love and encouragement. However, if I'm honest, I believe that we should be encouraging to everyone, as much as possible- not just to those who we like.

It may be difficult, and it probably won't be fun, but encouraging people who "don't deserve it" is part of being a follower of Jesus. Encouraging others on their journey is not something we should pick and choose. Keep reading to learn why.

3 Things Christians Don't Have to Do

Whether you are a Christian, Mormon, Atheist, Muslim, Agnostic- really, as long as you are human- there are always going to be people who disagree with you, and that's okay. And even when you are part of the same religion, there will always be certain topics that are debated heavily from person to person. That's okay too, I guess. I mean, its part of life anyway.

But sometimes, well-meaning Christians start mandating things that were never discussed in Scripture. Their goals may have started purely, but when we start making rules about things that God never felt the need to make rules about, then we quickly become like the pharisees.

And that's when I can't stay silent. That's when I start voicing my differences in opinion. Not to be a jerk and not to put myself on a pedestal, but in order to combat ideas that will inevitably be harmful if they are mandated as things that a Christian MUST do.

So today, I am sharing 3 things that Christians do not have to do. Things that are allowed, permitted, and even good, but should never be presented as rules to be followed.

Have Quiet Time...In the Morning

Quiet time for the Christian is crucial. If we aren't spending time with God then we won't be able to continue growing in our relationship with him. It's just like any human relationship you have- if you stop spending time together, you grow apart and become strangers.

But you know what you've never been told about human relationships?
"If you don't hang out with your friend first thing in the morning, you aren't prioritizing your friendship"...um, no. The important thing is not what time of day you are spending time with your friends, family, or Savior, but rather, that you are spending time with them often.

I used to feel so guilty if I didn't read my Bible before I did anything else. And one of the reasons for that guilt was because I had heard people say "God deserves the first part of your day because He should be first place". So if I wanted to sit and read a novel in the morning when I was home from school, I felt guilty if I did that before reading my Bible and praying, because I thought it meant that I was putting the novel before God.

But you know what? The order in which I do things throughout the day is not necessarily equivalent to the order in which those things are important to me. I may unload the dishwasher before I kiss my husband, but I am certainly more fond of kissing my man than I am of doing the dishes.

The thing about spending time with God is that we should be doing it whenever we can be most focused, grow from it most, and in whatever way we can best make it a part of our day. The point is to spend time with out Lord, not to legislate what time of day everyone should be praying and reading scripture.

Have a Natural Childbirth

Maybe it's just me, but I often feel this unspoken pressure to (when I start having kids) breast feed until my kid is at least 6 months old (bonus points if they are over 12 months), keep my kids from the evil that is television until they are a teenager, and above all else, have a natural (non-medicated) childbirth.

Natural childbirth is awesome. I have the utmost respect women who have given birth naturally. I cannot imagine doing that without needing some serious therapy after! But you know what I want when I have kids? All the needles and all the medicine. I have enough hip and back problems without trying to have a natural childbirth. So when it's time to give birth, I will proudly ask for #allofthedrugs.

If you want to do a natural childbirth, I honestly think that is great. And I am almost automatically going to be impressed. But having an epidural is not bad or sinful, so please stop pretending like it is.

Avoid Medication

Speaking of medication and "drugs"- yes, I know that doctors can get a little prescription-happy these days, and sure, natural options (when they work) are preferred. But so many Christians assume that essential oils and vitamins work perfectly for everyone. But just as everyone's personalities are different, so are our reactions to medications and natural supplements. What worked wonders for you may not do a thing for me and what worked well for me may not help you at all!

I'm all for natural products-seriously, I am- but some Christians make other Christians feel that natural is the only way, and that taking medication is a sin or somehow means you trust God less.
Don't even get me started on that! 😡
I plan to eventually do an entire post on this subject, but until then, please know that if you feel like you need medication and others are seeing the same thing, there's no shame in that. Talk to your doctor, do thorough research, and if you decide to start taking it, you aren't less, it's not a sin, and that doesn't have anything to do with your level of trust in God.
So take the dang Ibuprofen, use the cough medicine, and take the antidepressants (if you really need them). You can rest assured that if you are using them responsibly and as they were intended, I will have nothing to say about it.

Friends, if you want to have your quiet times solely in the morning, use only essential oils for medication, and give birth naturally for every kid you have, then that is great. You should keep on keeping on if that works for you. But if you are someone who can't make quiet time happen in the morning, prefers an epidural for childbirth, or who's body doesn't seem to respond to natural remedies, that's totally okay to. It's just as okay as the other scenario.

God didn't mandate these things to us, so we shouldn't mandate them to one another. Let's strive to have compassion on and understanding for one another, and stop telling each other what we HAVE to do when it's an issue that God clearly wasn't concerned about.

DISCLAIMER: Please know that the three things I discuss in this post are not bad things in and of themselves. If you do any of these things, it is equally good and admirable. This post is not to criticize the way in which some Christians do things. Actually, on the contrary, I wrote this post so that Christians can remember that there are certain things that we have freedom in. We get to decide how to live the life God has given us, so we shouldn't be constantly criticizing one another but building each other up instead. 

What Does It Mean To Live With a Clear Conscience?

Have you ever been sitting alone and suddenly realized that you don't really like who you are? Do you ever think "why did I do that?" after acting on a selfish impulse? Trust me, you are not alone.

It's not a popular message, but we are all sinful humans. We make mistakes, we make bad choices, and we often choose selfishly instead of putting the needs of others first.

But one thing that the Bible talks about is living with a clear conscience. And when I read verses that talk about that, sometimes I have a hard time with them. It can be difficult to see how exactly these verses work in my own life since sometimes I feel guilty when I haven't done anything wrong and sometimes I put more pressure on myself than is necessary. They can, when not interpreted correctly, make me feel like I just have to live by my feelings, and live to satisfy the false guilt in my life. Is that what those verses are advocating for?

No. Of course they aren't.

When these verses talk about a "clear conscience", they aren't talking about satisfying our self-made condemnation or our guilt over things that aren't bad. What they are talking about however, is extremely important.

Excuses We Make and Lies We Tell Ourselves

"It's okay that I am cutting this person off in traffic. They are making me late."

"It's not a big deal if I watch this movie, even if it does have a bad affect on me."

"It wasn't exactly a lie...I just left out part of the story. They'd be mad at me otherwise."

"It's okay that I am sharing details from Samantha's life with Tanya. Tanya won't tell anyone, so it's not really gossip."

"I'll tell Laura about Samantha's nasty divorce so she can pray for her...then it surely isn't gossip. I mean, when Samantha asked me not to tell anyone, she probably still wanted prayer."

Do any of those excuses sound familiar to you? Do you find yourself justifying actions that are sinful and selfish? I know I do! I am constantly trying to defend my actions to myself when I know they are wrong. I know that cutting people off in traffic is rude, is a terrible witness, and is not considering the other person's feelings. They could have just finished a twelve-hour shift and are so tired they can barely drive. They could have just been verbally abused by a spouse. Or maybe they just spilled their coffee on their work clothes. Either way, when I cut them off, I cause them more stress and frustration.

After these sorts of incidents happen, I feel little twitches of guilt, because I know that I wasn't living life the best I could have. I know in these moments that I still do a lot of things solely because they benefit me, without caring for the feelings of others. If Jesus were in the seat beside (and He might as well be), I would turn 50 shades of red and feel awful. This begs the question: Am I living life in a way that produces a clear conscience even in the little things?

The Little Things Are A Big Deal

I know that cutting someone off in traffic doesn't seem like a big deal. And I know that you may feel that this is an overly-simplified example. However,  the thing about living with a clear conscience is that we are called to live a life of goodness and holiness. And goodness and holiness come from the little things too.

When the Bible talks about living with a clear conscience, it calls us to examine our lives and see if we are living in a way that pleases God. Are we living our lives as the peculiar treasures we were called to be? Are we different than the rest of the world (and not just when we are being watched)? Basically, if Jesus popped into the room with you at any given moment, would you be ashamed? Would you be embarrassed? Or would He be pleased? If you are anything like me, you've got a lot of work to do- particularly in the "little things".

Can They Find Real Fault?

 "I believe everything that is in accordance with the Law (Scripture) and that is written in the Prophets, and I have the same hope in God as these men themselves have, that there will be a resurrection of both the righteous and the wicked. So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man." (Acts 24:15-16, emphasis added)

When the apostle Paul was being tried in court for his faith and his testimony about Jesus, he made the statement above. He had been accused of causing riots and disturbances over his teachings about Jesus, but Paul was saying that he knew the accusations against him were false and therefore he had a clear conscience. He also knew that he needed to continue to conduct himself in a Christlike way, despite how frustrating these accusations were. He was choosing to live a godly life that would free him to live without worry or a guilty conscience.

How often, however, do we live our lives just toeing the line. How often do we choose to see how far we can go without "doing anything bad", instead of trying to live a life that is completely undeserving of accusation? How often do I justify "little" things like giving someone the cold shoulder because they were rude to me? How many times have I watched something on Netflix that messed me up physiologically or caused me to stumble, but justified it as "not that big of a deal".

But at the end of the day, I feel guilty about those things because I know that they are not good. They may be simple, but they still matter. I'm not killing, stealing, or cheating, but that's not the standard- Jesus is. And when Paul talked about living with a clear conscience, he meant changing the way we live so that there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty. It not only keeps us walking in Christ-likeness as an example for those around us, but it also brings a peace that we cannot know if we are always toeing the line or being selfish in the little things.

Paul knew that no one could accuse him of living a shameful life. He wasn't perfect, but he absolutely took conscious steps towards godly living at every turn. He knew they had nothing on him, he knew he was innocent, and he knew his life was pleasing to Jesus. And he had freedom and peace because of that!

No One Is Perfect

We can never be perfect on this side of Heaven. I know that. And we are going to find ourselves sinning sometimes. But as much as it depends on us and our daily, conscious choices, we are called to live a life that produces a clear conscience. So, if you and I know of areas in our lives where we are "toeing the line" or are clearly not pleasing to God, we are called to change those things. When we do, we are free to live with a clear conscience, a sound mind, and freedom from worry. How awesome does that sound?!

Good Days Are Always Possible

Most days for me are good ones. I don't have a lot of drama, I am blessed in almost all aspects of my life, and I really don't have a reason to complain. But regardless of how blessed I am, it's easy to fall into the trap of living each day as if they were just "blah".

I find that even when nothing bad has happened in my day, I often get annoyed, depressed, or bored if nothing life-changing happens. But seriously guys, I don't have to have a mind-blowing, jaw-dropping day of events to enjoy life. So it begs the question: why do I live life like I do need that to be happy?

As cliche' as it may be, it really is the simple things in life that keep me going! When I look at the things that matter most to me, it's mostly things like relaxing with my family as we talk and watch television, or going out to dinner with my hubby. Those are the things that make me happy. I don't need flashy adventures to enjoy myself. And I have all ideas that if you look hard enough, you'll find the same thing to be true in your own life.

A Simple, Happy Day

A few weeks ago, I decided that I wasn't going to wait around any longer to ride a bike again. I love riding, but I don't have anyone in my life that likes to ride (other than my dad who lives 3 hours away). I don't like riding bikes by myself- it's just not as fun. But I was sick of waiting around, hoping to find someone who loves to ride.

So I got my stuff together, headed to the park, and I went for my first ride in several years.

I'm not gonna lie- my butt hurt after about one minute ;)

But it felt so good to be on a bike, and to get some exercise without more walking. I only did 2.5 miles, which is nothing really, but I am so out of shape that that was it for me. Plus, I was going to South Carolina for the day so I couldn't stay long anyway.

Farm Time

I'm not a farm girl. Grass makes me itch, I hate poop, and I squeal if a bug flies at me. But I love going to my mom's farm and spending time with her, seeing her work with her animals, and petting the ones that are friendly enough to pet ;)

I love spending time with Blaze- the cutest farm-puppy ever- and petting the gross, fat, pot-bellied pigs. The female pig just had babies on Wednesday actually, and I am so excited to meet them (and hold them, and squeeze them, and love them <3 )

We didn't do anything exciting, really. We just hung around the house and ate lunch together. Then I headed home and watched Netflix with Taylor until I was too tired to stay awake any longer.

Why Am I Telling You About a Random Day?

It doesn't make a difference in your life that my mom's pig had babies, or that I finally got to ride a bike again. It won't help you in your troubles or bring you real joy. But there's more to this post than just boring you with the details of my day. Pinky promise! ;)

No. The point is this: My simple day should be an encouragement to you that everyday, "boring" or not, can be a huge blessing.

I didn't do anything record-breaking, and I didn't "accomplish" anything that day, but I enjoyed it, I treasure it, and it meant a lot to me. Why? Because family time is important. Because doing things that you enjoy- even when you do them by yourself- is a luxury that not everyone has. There are children in other countries who don't really ever get to experience childhood. They have to be adults as soon as they can walk and talk. But we not only get to experience growing up in a relatively safe environment, but we also get to pursue our passions, our hobbies, and time with those we love, even as adults.

So look around at your "blah" day. Is it really "blah", or are you missing out on the little moments that could actually bring you joy if you'd let them?
Take stock of each day. Let them be a blessing, even in the plain, mundane, lack-luster days. Chances are, they aren't nearly as "lack-luster" as you've believed them to be.

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Revisit Your Goals (July Goals)

As I looked at the date on my phone, I felt somewhat panicked. How could it already be July 1st? I haven't accomplished any of my goals yet (not the big ones anyway), and I am running out of time!

Do you find yourself feeling similar emotions lately? Have you realized that you have slacked on the things that are important to you, and now you want to play catch up?

I don't do goal posts very often, but since I have so many things I need to get back on track with (and some things I'm just dying to do), I figured now would be a good time to revisit my goals.

Read the first half of "You and Me Forever" with Taylor

Taylor and I are very blessed, but I've really been struggling with the fact that we don't see each other enough to really do something significant together. By the time we hang out, we are exhausted and just want to watch Netflix or take a nap together (yes, my husband and I are secretly 60 years old).
But even in this season of busyness, I want us to spend our time together in a way that will glorify God and further His kingdom.

I bought "You and Me Forever" a year and a half ago. We read two chapters and haven't touched it since. It may seem like a small thing, but reading that book together and growing in our faith and in our relationship is something that I would really like to do this month.

I want things in our lives to become more fruitful- because when your life is go-go-go, it's easy to throw important things to the way-side.

I know it's totally unrealistic to think we will finish the book in July, but I would at least like us to read the first half together.

Listen to Audio Bible 4 times/week

It's pretty embarrassing that every time I do a "goals" post, my Bible reading/listening hasn't gotten any better. I just can't seem to make myself, which is awful. I'm really going to make a concerted effort to listen to the Bible at least 4 times a week throughout July.

Increase my walking distance to (at least) 8 miles per/week

It probably doesn't seem like a lot, but right now I am walking between 4-6 miles per week. Between my hip injury and the Charlotte heat, that's all I've been able to muster (especially since I have a baby and her dog with me while I'm walking). But if I am going to lose weight, I have to keep growing my distances. 8 Miles/week is doable. It's challenging me to step it up, without being overly tough on myself.

Finish Wild and Free

If you haven't heard about Wild and Free, you really should check it out! Though I am only on the third chapter, I highly recommend it so far. It's all about letting go of the expectations that others place on us, as well as those we place on ourselves. It's about seeing ourselves through God's eyes and living a life of freedom- the way He intended.

I am reading through this book with The Mountainside Gathering- a Christian Facebook group filled with some amazing ladies!

Go to the pool as much as possible

I haven't found a good place to go to the pool in Charlotte, which is sad because I was so determined to do a lot of swimming in these stiflingly hot months! I am going to look into a place near work that has month-to-month sign-ups, and if the price is good, I'm going to try to get a pass. I am really tired of longing for the water, but never getting to be in it!

GO TO THE BEACH

No joke, people- I am getting to the beach. It will happen. Nuff' said!

Create my opt-in freebie

Back in the winter, I started on this project and got a whole 3 paragraphs written...I haven't touched it since. I really want to provide encouraging material for those who opt-in to my mailing list, but I just haven't gotten around to it. 

My original goal was to have launched this by June 1st, but that obviously didn't happen. I wanted to get it launched by September 1st at the very, very latest, so keep your eyes peeled!

My goals are pretty simple this month. Some are important, while others are simply recreational. And that's ok. I've been struggling to keep up with life lately, I and don't want to put so many expectations on myself that I feel like a failure if I don't reach those goals. 

Sometimes, we just have to give ourselves time and grace- no matter how tempting it is not to.

What are your goals this month? Are you having trouble staying on top of everything this summer? Comment below :)

#FearlessFriday on The Happy Journal

Hi everyone! Today, I am a guest over at The Happy Journal sharing my testimony on #fearlessfriday.

I am a person who feels things before I think about things. I use my emotions as my guide and I struggle to remember that just because I feel something, doesn't make it true. This is something that plays a big role in my walk with God. It also left it's mark on my testimony, and that is what I'm sharing over on The Happy Journal.

I would love it if you'd hop on over and read it!

How Should Christians Handle Expectations? (Part 3/3 in the series You Don't Owe Anyone Anything)

When I was a little girl, I watched my mom worship and serve God. I saw her love for Him, and I listened as she instructed me in the truths of God. And as I grew up, I wanted to serve the Lord well, because I knew He was true. Mama and I had lots of conversations about the Bible and how it instructs us.
But somewhere along the line, some of the things my mom taught me got lost in translation. I suppose I misinterpreted or misheard what she said. But every once in a while, Mama and I will be talking and she'll say something that surprises me. When I express my surprise, she often has no idea why I would think she believes differently.

As a people pleaser, I tend to put pressure on myself to believe what my loved-ones believe. I often buy into the big, fat lie that if I don't agree with them on something, I'll disappoint them or make them mad. Obviously, that's not the right way to look at things, and my loved-ones don't feel that way, but in my mind, it makes sense.

So when I had all these false ideas about what my mom believed, I also expected myself to believe them. I went off to college and was challenged on some of my biblical interpretations. But when I realized that I might not agree with everything I thought my mom believed, I panicked. I thought she'd think I was a heretic, or be mad at Taylor because he was one of the main people who challenged my views.

I had placed unnecessary expectations on myself- expectations that were causing fear in my life.

God and Expectations

I am learning now that first of all, just because my mom or husband believes something, doesn't mean I am obligated to agree with them. They may be people who have godly wisdom to give, but they are not the Bible. I should go there first.

But secondly, I am learning that Christians are free from human expectations, but bound by Christ's expectations.
Jesus says in Matthew 11:30 that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. A yoke is something that is attached to an ox as he plows the land. The ox is bound by the yoke, but the yoke helps him stay on course when the Master is steering.
God's yoke is similar.

When God gives us expectations, we are bound by them. We must live by them if we want to please God and give glory to Him. He doesn't place arbitrary expectations upon us, but only those that are good and beneficial.
His yoke is easy and His burden is light. This doesn't mean that life will be easy for us, but it does mean that God is taking care of us and His yoke will be kind. Everything God does and everything that God expects of us is for our good and His glory.

Christian Expectations

Don't allow yourself to confuse expectations from God and expectations of man. God's expectations are clear in His word. We may not always like what we are expected to do (our sinful hearts will kick and scream sometimes), but we must live by Christ's expectations out of love and reverence for Him.

But living our lives for Christ doesn't mean living by other Christian's expectations of us. Just because the pastor's wife asks you to bake 10 dozen cookies for the bake sale does not mean you have to do so. If you are able and willing to help, that's great, but declining to bake cookies does not make you a bad Christian.

Likewise, just because the doors to your church are opened on Sundays for two services and Sunday school, on Tuesday for small groups, and Wednesdays for another service, does not mean you have to be there for all of them. Yes, God wants us to worship Him with other believers- He wants us to go to church- but that does not mean you need to sign up for every event your church is putting on, nor do you have to attend every service. Some people feel obligated to do that, but that is a man-made expectation. The pressure to be in a church pew every time the doors are opened is not an expectation God has for you.

Saying No and Saying Yes

Get comfortable with saying "no" to your brothers and sisters in Christ. Sometimes they will place unfair and unnecessary expectations on you, but you do not have to accept those expectations.

Conversely, be willing and prepared to say "yes" to God's expectations, whether you like them or not. We may not like that He expects us to wait until marriage to have sex, or that He expects us to forgive even when we have been hurt deeply by someone we love, but what He expects of us is not only non-negotiable, but it is also good for us.

Christians, we should be living by God's expectations. He will not fail us, so we should do what He asks of us- we should live in His ways. We are not slaves to the opinions and expectations of others, and other people are not bound by what we expect of them either. Look to God's word to find what is required of us- to find God's expectations- and stop allowing your own self-imposed expectations to dictate your life and the lives of those around you.

You Owe God Everything (Part 2/3 in the series You Don't Owe Anyone Anything)

Imagine that you are perfect. Imagine that you have never made a mistake in your entire life, and that you have treated everyone you've met with the utmost love and mercy. Then, imagine that someone accused you of lying, and of making God a mockery. Imagine that everyone believed your accuser, and decided that you needed to be killed for your actions.

You Don't Owe Anyone Anything: A Three-Part Series on Expectations

Anytime I scroll through my Pinterest feed, watch television, or even read a magazine, I often find myself overwhelmed. The more I scroll, watch, or read, the more I see what I "should" be doing. What I "should" look like. And who I "should" be. I find myself longing to be thinner, more organized, more wifely-ish (that's a word, right?). And it's great that I want to be those things...unless the reason I want these things is because the world tells me I have to live by them.

Grace & Delight

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Grace. What do you think of when you hear that word? How about "delight"? What do those words mean to you?

When I was at the beach recently, I was able to spend some time walking on the beach with my friend, Grace (not to be confused with the concept of grace 😋) as we talked about our lives, what God had been teaching us, and everything in between.

As we talked, the subject of God's grace and delighting in Him came up. And while neither of those topics are exactly easy to grasp right off the bat, they are both critical parts of the Christian faith. So today, I want to share a little bit about our conversation with you.

Gentleness- More Than Appearances

This post was originally a guest post over at The Speckled Goat. If you've never read Ally's blog, you definitely should. She's pretty awesome!

What is gentleness? Gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit. Gentleness is a sensitivity to the feelings of others as you speak with them. It means speaking the truth in love (emphasis on the love). Gentleness does not mean you glaze over the truth, but it does mean that you aren't typically blunt or rude in your words or actions.
As an extrovert, I pride myself in communicating well, being willing to talk about the hard stuff, loving on people decently well, and being awkwardly funny. But one thing I find to be a challenge is gentleness.

What Is Real Forgiveness

The other night, I went to a women's Bible study at my hubby's seminary. The speaker for the evening told us to think about our house. She said to pick the room we liked least in the house. I picked the kitchen. She said that the first time she did this exercise, she picked the kitchen too.

By why did she pick the kitchen? Why did I pick the kitchen.? She picked the kitchen, she explained, because that's where she cooks (which she enjoys doing) only to have at least one of her children complain that they don't want it, or don't like it. I picked the kitchen, because there are always dishes piled-high, and I get angry because I don't have any help with them.

5 Reasons Why You Need to Stop Being Nosy

Are you a nosy person? Do you find it hard to mind your own business? Nosiness is a problem that needs to be stopped. Learn why you need to stop being nosy today.