The Art of Turning Men Into Doormats

Wednesday, February 1, 2017
This post was originally published on 6/4/15. I have updated and revised it in order to share it with you again now.


"All around the world, pretty girls wipe the floors with all the boys." (Brittany Spears and Iggy Azalea)



Everywhere I turn, women are lining up to tell men to go to hell. From song lyrics to the annual Topless Day in Asheville, NC, women are determined to proclaim themselves better than men. And while I believe that women are fully capable of amazing things, and while I hate sexism just as much as the next girl, the way that I see "equality" being fought for over the past few years is something that disturbs me. Women trying to make men look like bumbling idiots will bring anything but unity. Treating men like doormats will do anything but solve the problem.


My husband is not stupid. He may do stupid things, but so do I. My husband is one of the smartest people I know and I am proud of him. My husband was created by God, to do great things for God. And so was I. We were meant to be a team. God loves a marriage team united in him. But when women start treating men like doormats, there is no team and there is no unity, and our long sought-after equality continues to allude us.


The Art of Turning Men Into Doormats



A True Team

A team cannot exist if one team mate is always trying to prove that they are better than the other. In the same way, a marriage cannot thrive and be glorifying to God if a woman is more focused on "equality" (which typically ends up meaning control and power over the man) than she is in building up others.

A good marriage team is one that supports one another and believes in true equality. But equality is the key word. We as women do not need to be looking to make men "lower" than us now to make up for all the time that we were "lower". We don't need to try to defeat them or put them down. 

We cannot be a team- equals- if we are also treating our men like doormats.


Inequality


Sometimes, women are treated poorly. And that is truly terrible. There are times where sexism is a problem, and there is a right way to address it. We should absolutely fight for our rights and fight for those women who are not treated fairly. A man should never treat a woman as lesser. And are women capable of wonderful things? Yes. And can women sometimes do a "man's job" better than a man can? Yes, I believe sometimes they can. But when we reach a point that proving that, and making sure we as women are in the spotlight is our main agenda... we have a problem.

We are all made in the image of God- men and women alike. So when women start marching around topless talking about men being pigs, or when Everybody Loves Raymond has yet another episode of Ray screwing everything up and his wife having to fix it all, or when Brittany Spears and Iggy Azalea turn wiping the floor with men into something to be glorified, I start getting a little angry. 


Women have become so focused on feeling like doormats, that they've started treating men as just that. Instead of trying to actually make the world a fair and better place for everyone, we have settled for making it a better place for women, at the cost of making it worse for our male counterparts. Just because some men are pigs, doesn't mean we throw them all into a stall. Just because some men wipe their feet with women, doesn't mean we treat the male species like doormats to get them back. It is totally possible to fight for equality and women's rights without tearing down men. We can seek out fair treatment for ourselves without trying to take it away from men.

If we want peace, we have to stop being brash and bossy jerks, ladies. If we want respect, we need to be respectable. If we want a good man, we need to stop putting them down every chance we get.


How do we achieve equality without treating men like doormats?


A woman doesn't have to be in charge to be worth something. A woman doesn't have to make as much money as a man to be good at her job. Should a woman have equal pay if she is doing the exact same job with the exact same work ethic as a man? Abso-freakin-lutely! And women have the right to lobby and fight for that when it is not happening. But when lobbying for equal pay and opportunities becomes a cut-throat, bitter attack on our brothers in Christ, we may need to stop fighting long enough to see the damage we are doing.


As Christians, what does Christ-like love look like? Does it involve criticism, put-downs, and enraged arguments over social rights? It shouldn't. Being a Christian woman doesn't mean giving up our freedoms, but it does mean we should be handling things much differently than the rest of the world. It means respecting men, not turning them into our doormats. It means loving men, being understanding of their downfalls, and respecting them even as we fight for equality. And it means handling ourselves with character, fighting for our freedoms with love, and treating everyone as we want to be treated. We don't get to cast off our principles just because an issue makes us angry. We don't get to throw kindness, godliness, and morality out the window when we are fighting for the plight of the less-fortunate. If we claim Christ, we have to find a way to do both.


So ladies, I challenge you today to look at how you treat the men in your lives. Do you treat them with love and respect, or do you treat them like a doormat? Do they know they are loved, or do they frequently get covered in your muddy footprints?







38 comments

  1. I so dislike the sitcom stereotype (like Everybody Loves Raymond) as you mentioned because it gives such a poor view of men, and marriage as well.

    I do consider myself a womens' rights advocate--largely because I've spent so much of my life in places where wife abuse and domestic helper abuse (here, domestic helpers are almost always women with very little education and almost no options in life) is incredibly common. Actually, in many ways, China does a good job of making sure that women are treated as human beings, but in much of Southeast Asia, that isn't the case. That's where my heart is.....the quest for equality can be taken too far, of course, but in many places it hasn't gone nearly far enough.

    I have no desire to be exactly the same as my husband, and I hope that most of our marriage he makes more money than me--hey, that would benefit us! I definitely believe that within the context of marriage, we need to be working to help and encourage our spouses to be excellent in their own way--never nagging or being needlessly critical. I'm grateful for everything my husband does and I'm his #1 fan and best friend...but outside, in the world where men are still treating women horribly...I'm not always the biggest advocate for the guys.

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    1. Rachel, I completely agree. Again, their is a time and place for fighting for women's rights. I am on board with that for sure. When women are being treated poorly, their needs to be someone to stand up for them.
      But many times in America, women pick a fight with men just because they are "supposed to". That's something I cannot tolerate: women treating men like garbage to get back at them for the way men acted in past centuries.
      I am glad you are standing up for women in South East Asia :) That's awesome! :)

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  2. i love this post!! so refreshingly honest and i loved reading it, thanks for sharing! id love it if you'd comment back http://www.amyelizabethfashion.com/2015/06/5-things-staying-organised.html xx

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  3. Well said! Loved reading your thoughts on this. I think in the name of demanding freedom & equality, people have become a little self-obsessed instead of focusing on loving others well.

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  4. Such a needful, edifying post, my friend! Oh, it hurts me to the core to hear of awful lyrics like these! God gave us the recipe for a beautiful, peace-infused, truly happy life in Ephesians 5. His picture of Christ and the church and how a husband and wife relationship portrays that is one of the most precious depictions of what comprises the abundant life He envisions for all of us. This world has such a distorted, twisted view of everything God created to be sacred. When we buy into it, we lose something so wonderful in the process. Thank you for speaking truth here and for defending what is right! God bless you for your obedience to Him!!

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  5. Great post. And a good reminder to treat my husband with respect. Thank you.

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  6. Great post and as someone already mentioned it's "refreshingly honest." I hate seeing all the bickering that goes on when we should be showing love and working together. I totally agree with your last line: "And it means handling ourselves with character, fighting for our freedoms with love, and treating everyone as we want to be treated." I'm your neighbor at The Weekend Brew.

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  7. I have to hold myself in check every time I sit down to watch tv. There is so much degrading of relationships, and it's sad to see people model their own relationships after what they see on the tube. Very insightful post. Thank you for sharing at The Weekend Brew.

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  8. Equal pay and equal rights are extremely important but as with any conflict, we should be speaking truth gently and in love and respecting the men in our lives. We don't watch regular "TV" at our house - just movies that we own occasionally but just the other day was at someone else's house and couldn't believe what I was seeing on the TV. A sitcom where the dad was basically reduced to being some kind of clown with no intelligence and no authority. I would never want my children to view their father that way and that certainly isn't how I view my husband. It saddens me that there are women and children out there that might hold this view of the men in their lives. Thank you for dropping by the #HomeMattersParty and sharing your thoughts with us.

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  9. What a FANTASTIC post, Kristin! I couldn't agree more. This crazy backlash of thinking that putting down men will elevate women just will not work, and will cause more harm than good. I'm all for women's rights and equality - ALL FOR IT - but not at the expense of men. We need equality and respect all across the board.

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    1. What's funny, Rachel, is that you were the inspiration for this post. I've had a quote from your post about feminism sitting around, because I knew I wanted to write something similar on the topic.
      Thank you for your kind words :)

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  10. I love this post. I am 100% for equal rights across the board and I absolutely HATE when someone's "rights" come at the expense of another's. (Kind of negates the whole equality thing...) I have so much respect for my husband and he has the exact same respect for me. We have our strengths and our weaknesses. If we over-correct the -ism situation (race, sex, etc.) then we've corrected nothing at all.

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  11. You're seriously making me want to speak out like never before on my views on why I'm not a feminist. Love all of your posts like these - especially your down-to-earth approach. You write with such a calmness and not an attack - so refreshing. Thank you.

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    1. That means so much to me, Summer! Seriously, you just made my blogging day :D

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  12. This is good to hear after seeing so much trash in the media. You are wise and insightful. May I encourage you to keep writing the Truth. We need to hear more of Truth in our everyday lives. Years ago I heard the phrase I've never forgotten "We are completers and not competers of our spouses." So true, you wrote this beautifully.

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  13. Kristin, I read this this morning after coming across it on Twitter. You're right, it's no longer about equality but putting men down to feel inferior. My husband even notices all the commercials that set out to make men look stupid. I think a pastor said it well when he said, "Women were created to help men COMPLETE the task, not compete FOR the task."

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  14. This post is so timely and much needed in today's society. I don't consider myself to be a feminist for exactly this reason. You write so well-- thanks for sharing this!

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  15. Love this post. As a strong women who loves a strong man I was raised to believe that strength comes from asking for help. Knowing you can't do it alone and knowing that you have limitations. Two people who understand and respect that make a true partnership.

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  16. You summed it up in a nutshell. I'm sharing this on my blog Facebook page.

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  17. Great post! I also consider myself a womens' rights advocate but I love my fiance and understand that he isn't "out to get me". In the end, we support each other equally and understand the trials and tribulations we both have to go through. Thanks for sharing your view! <3

    - Anali Martinez (http://www.thenuevalatina.com/)

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  18. Loved reading this. I think lately people are getting a little confused and we've got a lot of band wagoners as well.

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  19. I consider myself to be a feminist, but I also treat men with respect. My sons are very respectful of others, as are my daughters. I am glad to see that you believe in equal pay for equal work and the other things that really matter.

    It is disheartening to see how many women will excuse a man's bad behavior (and elect him President) and then ask other women to be "respectable." I think that many people are reacting to that.

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  20. I think you are spot on with encouraging women to treat men with respect, just as women should be treated with respect. A husband and wife should be a team where each has an equal partnership. Thank you for reminding everyone that respect is important in any relationship.

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  21. Modern feminism has turned into something disgusting. Firstly, the entire concept of equality is misunderstood. It referred to equality *under the law*. It does NOT mean everyone is equal. Clearly, everyone is not equal. We have different strengths. Some are smarter. Some are prettier. Some are more athletic. Some have more rhythm. Some are better artists. Some are better writers. Life is not fair. Genetics and biology aren't fair. They just are.

    And the leveling down of standards to accept women, who are biologically weaker than men, is just STUPID. I don't want a woman pulling me and my kids out of a burning building. I want a HUNKY MAN.

    Different doesn't mean that we're less than. We were created for different purposes.

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  22. I love your line: "A team cannot exist if one team mate is always trying to prove that they are better than the other." SO true. Besides, it's so much more fun to be a TEAM than to be constantly bickering or trying to one up each other. =)

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  23. This post is so dead on! I often wonder how we expect men to treat us equally when we don't even treat each other equally. Until we remove the plank in our own eye I can't expect men to remove the spec. I agree no woman should ever be treated lesser by woman or a man.

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  24. Thank you for this article! I am so sick of how people think of husbands as Homer Simpsons. I grew up with a strong father and am a better person for it! My husband is a MAN. I can't stand it when people make little jokes about him being my eldest child. I'm not stupid enough to marry a man like that... I married my equal!

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  25. This is such a timely post, Kristen! I know that you said it was published earlier, but it is definitely for this moment too! I love this quote "A team cannot exist if one team mate is always trying to prove that they are better than the other. In the same way, a marriage cannot thrive and be glorifying to God if a woman is more focused on "equality" (which typically ends up meaning control and power over the man) than she is in building up others." I'm sharing this!!

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  26. Wow. I just have no words because you're just spot on! It is sad how society has turned men into doormats as you put it. And society has it so wrong...different doesn't necessarily mean unequal. It means that where we are weak, they are strong. Where they are weak, we are strong. And there's nothing wrong with that!

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  27. I love this post!! Amen to everything! I totally believe more damage is done when we treat men like doormats. It doesn't help the situation and gives women a negative reputation. If we want equality we need to take responsibility for ourselves and rise above the situation. I believe then and only then will someone want to listen.

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  28. I loved this post so much. I honestly wasn't sure to think from the title, but I really appreciate your thoughts on this. I so agree and love what you said about men being created by God, for God, like us. We are made in His image so how could both men and women be anything short of amazing??

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  29. So grateful my SO is my equal. I definitely would never to think of treating him as a doormat, at least not intentionally. Thank you for your perspective!

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  30. This post was a balm after spending a lot of time this week trying to lovingly share the Gospel with those who think women need to outdo men. There is so much in here that I just really, really needed to hear - to know that there are still Godly women who truly understand that the entire human race was created in God's image, and that men and women are equal yet different. Thank you!

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  31. Yes! It has bothered me for quite some time to see how little respect men get in general, but also as husbands and fathers. There are so many memes that go around Facebook and it makes me sad every time. Yes, there are men that fit the description of these memes, but there are women that fit that description too. I grew up watching my parents share household and childcare duties. My dad was just as much a part of my life as my mom, he cooks and cleans just as much as my mom... and I know men that are just as involved in their children's lives as their wives are. Women aren't doormats. Men aren't either and neither deserve to be treated that way.

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