How to Make Your Spouse a Priority During the Holidays

Monday, December 12, 2016

The Holidays can be a joy-filled occasion, but they can also be filled with busyness and chaos. Sometimes our holidays can become so busy that we forget to make our spouses (and other loved ones) a priority. This Thanksgiving and Christmas, choose to have an even better holiday by using these tips to prioritize your spouse during the holidays this year.

The holidays are some of the most busy, fun, exhausting times of the year. There are parties to go to, decorations to display, cookies to bake, and friends to see.
There's always something we've forgotten at the store that we have to double back for, or something that needs to be done before we go visit Aunt Debbie's third cousin twice-removed. 

And no matter how much I love the holidays, and no matter how fun they are, all the hustling, bustling, and running-around-like-a-crazy-person can cause burn out pretty dang fast. And what happens when we are burnt out? We get cranky, grumpy, and snappy. Or, we hermit ourselves in our rooms because we have no energy left. Or both. Let's be honest-- it's both.

But when we give all of our time and energy to events of the season, suddenly there's nothing left for the one we cherish most- our spouse.

So how do we put our spouses first (aside from Christ) when there are so many other things that keep begging for our attention during the holiday season? How do we make our spouses a priority at Christmas time? Today I am sharing three ways that you can actively make your spouse a priority this holiday season.



1.) Talk Through Your Schedules Together

With all the busyness that happens during the holidays, communication can slip away without us even realizing it. But making our spouses a priority probably won't happen if we don't communicate.
What events do you both agree would be enjoyable? Are there any unusual times that you or your spouse will have to work? How will this affect your schedule?

Making your spouse a priority during the holidays means considering their needs and wants too. Have they been homesick for months? Then be willing to travel to their hometown for Christmas this year. Has your spouse been dying to go to a particular event? Try to make it happen! Regardless of your situation, making your spouse a priority means communicating well in order to remain on the same page even during the busyness of Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

2.) Plan Dates Ahead of Time

If you, your spouse, or both of you have rigorous work schedules during the holidays, make sure that you block out time for dates. If you know you are both off on the 18th of December, for example, then plan out a date ahead of time.

Having a date- or alone time at the very least- is incredibly important to the health of a marriage. Without that time, we cannot possibly stay on the same page, talk about important issues that have popped up, or express something that is on our mind. 

And just because it's Christmas time doesn't mean we should neglect each other. In fact, that's the exact opposite of what we should do. During the most wonderful time of the year-- a time that celebrates Christ, good-will, and peace-- we should be cherishing the ones we love the most.

3.) Learn to Say "No"

It can be so tempting to say "yes" to every enjoyable opportunity. Every Christmas concert, cookie swap, ugly sweater party-- they all have their charm. But we just can't do all the things. We weren't made for that. We need rest and our spouses need rest. But if we sign ourselves (and our other half) up for every single holiday event that presents itself, we just aren't going to last very long.

We are going to become overwhelmed, frustrated, and harder to deal with. In turn, our spouses will feel the brunt of our burn-out and they will end up frustrated and grumpy too.

That's not what Christmas is all about, friends. And that's not the way to prioritize our spouses. It's just not.

So don't be afraid to say "no" to some things. You will still have a fun Christmas season, and missing out on a few events really doesn't matter in the long run.


How do you make your spouse a priority during the holidays?


  1. yes this is great!!! i need this reminder! it's even harder throwing a baby in the mix but we are getting the hang of it. ❤️ we have a planned date night friday and seriously couldn't be more excited for it!!!!

    1. Oh good! You guys deserve it! And yeah, I will have to learn this lesson all over again when baby-having becomes a thing at our house ;)

  2. Great post, Kristin! Learning to say no is ALWAYS a struggle fest for me, it seems.

  3. Luckily my husband and I don't have many commitments over the actual Holiday. We normally get together with the kids and grand kids at different times when things have either not spun up to full speed or have settled down a bit after the initial hustle and bustle. We spend time together in the kitchen making gifts and packaging them. So it's a win win for everyone!!

    1. That's awesome! I am so glad it is more easy-going for you and your family!

  4. Totally agree Kristin. It's so important to keep things in perspective this time of year and realize sometimes it's ok to miss a party or two. I want to enjoy the season with my guy so I've definitely learned to let things go.

  5. Love this, as usual! Such great advice, Kristin!

  6. I agree that sometimes we just have to say no- or plan ahead and have a date night scheduled so that there is a real reason to say no (even if it's just to stay home together and hang!) Protecting this time is so important!

  7. This is so true!! I, honestly, believe this to be true when making time for anyone in your life during the holidays.

  8. My hubs and I are missionaries living in our RV full time. We are together every day. Yet, we still have a date night, an evening set aside for us to enjoy each other. We go out to eat and usually walk through a big box store. We find it important to still take time for each other.

  9. So many great tips! My husband and I already have crazy schedules and it only gets worse during the holidays. It's so important to find time to be together and focus on your marriage when life gets hectic.

  10. I love that you wrote a post about this! This is very important and these are great tips to make sure your spouse stays your priority!

  11. I love this! My husband and I were just talking about how much better we've been this year at saying no.

  12. These are so important to keep in mind! Just last night Dan and I sat down to go over our schedules because there is just so much to coordinate right now.

  13. Such good advice! I cherish the time I get alone with my husband so much during the holidays, because his crazy work schedule makes it rare! We have a date planned for Thursday night, so I'm hoping nothing gets in the way!

  14. Christmas burn out is definitely something I'm keen to avoid!! And I'm really going to try and prioritise my fiancé this year as we've both worked so hard this year and barely spent any quality time together. He's off for almost 3 weeks over Christmas, so I think I'm going to take a break and spend it with him!

  15. I'm not yet married but I think the hustle bustle of the holiday season really put stress on my relationship. Valuable tips!

  16. I do try and make my hubby a priority. He is pretty good about coming along to parties and events.

  17. You are so smart for one so young! We definitely are working on keeping things simple here.

  18. YES!

    the mister and I are all about scheduling date night and talking through our calendars. We also try to make time for each other's friends and families at this time of year.. but understand if it's just TOO hectic!

    This week we're both fully scheduled away from each other until Christmas Eve which is hard, but we're taking our hour before bed to get all caught up and spend time together, which is better than nothing!

    Laura @