#FearlessFriday on The Happy Journal

Hi everyone! Today, I am a guest over at The Happy Journal sharing my testimony on #fearlessfriday.

I am a person who feels things before I think about things. I use my emotions as my guide and I struggle to remember that just because I feel something, doesn't make it true. This is something that plays a big role in my walk with God. It also left it's mark on my testimony, and that is what I'm sharing over on The Happy Journal.

I would love it if you'd hop on over and read it!

The Only People for Me Are the Mad Ones

“The only people for me are the mad ones. The ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”― Jack Kerouac, On the Road

I  first heard this quote when I was a senior in high school. The second I heard it, I knew that it was a quote I would always adore. This is one of the only quotes I've heard that leaves me breathless; makes me have an urgency to live to the fullest. Sure, there are much better reasons to live to the fullest (ya know... like, Jesus), but for whatever reason, when I read this quote I am struck with a sense of passion that almost knocks me off my feet. "I need to be more", I hear somewhere inside me. Not a self-loathing voice, but one that cheers "Come on, Kristin! You can do it! There's more for you to do". Quotes like these need to be held onto.

But why does this particular quote captivate me? What about these words are so different from other "motivational" quotes?

I think I love this quote so much because it portrays a good kind of crazy. To be "mad" usually has a very negative connotation, usually one that is associated with insane asylums and straight jackets. But here, "mad" is a positive kind of craziness. It's the craziness that keeps us moving forward; the kind that gives us momentum to chase after our passions, and to persevere towards what matters most.

To be mad to live is to be in love with life.

I want to be in love with life.

As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, loving life is not always a natural tendency. Do I love my life and the blessings God has given me? Yes! But sometimes it's hard to stay positive and thankful, even when I should be.

But when I read this quote, the flame inside me ignites. I want to be mad for all those things: for God, for my marriage, for my friendships, for my dreams and goals, for the spectacular!

And that leads me to this thought: Isn't God so amazing, that He can use a random quote from my high school English textbook- one that isn't a scripture or from a devotional book- and He can take that and use it for His glory! So cool!

I mean, I knew that about Him already, but I still think that is awesome. We don't have to spend every moment reading scripture to be prompted by God, and we don't have to be in the middle of our quiet time to hear God's voice. God uses lots of different things to make us mad: mad for Him, mad for love, and mad for life.


What has God made you "mad" for lately? How can you act on what He has sparked in your heart?

Are You Guilty?

Do you ever feel guilty? I hope so- if you didn't then I'd be concerned about your conscience... But seriously, think for a second about the last time you felt guilty. Why did you feel that way? Was it justified, or were you beating yourself up?

Though I am pretty much a professional self-beater-upper, I also know that the Holy Spirit convicts me of sin too. And often times, I realize that the thing I am being convicted of is my attitudes and my heart. Basically I am convicted over why I do what I do. You see, it's not a sin to not clean the living room. It isn't a sin to not do the dishes right after I eat. But it is a sin to have an attitude of laziness or to not do my very best.

For example, when I am vacuuming at work, if I miss a spot, I am not sinning. But if I half-vacuum because I don't care if I do a good job or not, then yes, I am sinning. My heart in the matter is the main issue.

God has really been convicting me lately that I have only been half-doing everything. No, He doesn't want me to become legalistic about every little thing I do, and He doesn't want me to be a perfectionist- both of which I tend to get caught up in- but He does want me to be intentional about doing a good job.

When I don't live life well, I am also a bad witness. If I am living a life of laziness and apathy, I am inadvertently telling the world that that is ok- that Christians think that is ok. And it's not.

We walk such a fine line. We want to acknowledge that it's ok to relax, to have "me time" and to let go of perfectionism, and yet, we still need to live a life that is glorifying to God. And so we do one of two things: 1.) we develop a fear of failure, a self-condemning perfectionism that eats at us if we mess up one little piece of life, or, 2.) we give up on doing a good job, stop caring, and shrug off responsibility because "God doesn't want us to get carried away".

I don't know about you, but I find extremes (and the conviction that follows them) to be exhausting. I want to start learning to actually give things to God in a way that He teaches me the balance, instead of me trying to teeter on that fence by myself.

So think for a minute: what is God convicting you of? No, not "what are you beating yourself up about?". Not "what can you not accept forgiveness for?". But instead, what is God legitimately convicting you of? Have you thought about it? Good.

Now, join me in asking for His help. Join me in doing a much better job at consistently reading His word. Join me in refusing to try to find a balance on your own- because you never will.

Identifying the Lies of Marriage

I grew up as your stereo-typical little girl. I was convinced that I would grow up, meet a man who treats me like an absolute princess, we would get married, and then life would be complete. Marriage was my goal.

Marriage continued to be my goal even as I got older. I wanted to meet a good, Christian guy who loved God and loved me. Again, even though I would have denied feeling this way, deep down I felt that life would just always be fantastic once I was with my guy.

Fast-forward to college where I met my now-husband. Taylor was (and is) great. He loves God, wants us to grow, and tries to live his life for God. He has fantastic qualities and we tend to help each other in our weaker points. Yes, it was what I had waited for.

But we had a problem. I had been carrying around this false idea of the right person, of godly dating, and of godly marriage since I was a child. So when God brought Taylor into my life and everything wasn't perfect- because we weren't aren't perfect, I flipped out. Why did I still have any struggle with depression and anxiety, if I had found the right guy? Shouldn't I always feel perfect peace when I am with him? Why did we ever have any sort of disagreement? Why didn't every single moment of every single part of our relationship run smoothly?

The real answer to that question is, of course "Because you are both human beings, Kristin!", but my little Cinderella brain couldn't quite get there. I had assumed that if it wasn't pure joy all the time, and if all of my struggles weren't gone, then I must not be with the right person.

People with anxiety don't just feel peace all the time. Being in a great situation doesn't mean there is nothing but peace. That is particularly true for people with anxiety, but it is true for everyone. God is the only one that has and gives perfect peace. Perfect peace doesn't come from being in a perfect situation. Perfect peace comes from a perfect God.

But since I was convinced that I had to have perfect peace about every moment of my life in order for it to be of God, I would worry if Taylor and I disagreed about anything, thinking that there was something wrong with us. I would worry if we didn't like the same hobbies, because it might mean we would bore each other in marriage. I would worry if we got in a fight, because obviously, Christian couples don't fight... #sarcasm.

But the thing is, none of these views were really coming from Scripture. No, my ideas of godly dating and marriage were a strange hodge-podge of Disney fairy tales mixed with "Christian" false-teaching that the Holy Spirit leads in your gut. I had bought into the lie that I would feel complete peace about anything that God wanted me to do, and I would have anxiety if it was sin. But that false view doesn't account for people with anxiety disorders. It also doesn't account for all the times people feel peace about something that God clearly wasn't calling them to do. It leaves out that fact that, just like our hearts, our emotions are tainted by this world-by sin. We can feel all sorts of crap. But feelings are not God. And though peace is a fruit of the spirit, that doesn't have anything to do with feeling peace about every decision you make. That's not what it means. And likewise, though our dating and marriage should reflect Christ, we will never reach perfection on earth, which means our marriages will never be perfect.

I spent so much time wrestling with all of this. I had so many false ideas to work through. I had so many rude awakenings that it was painful. And those false ideas were just so embedded in my perfectionist, fairy-tale brain, that I had to really fight to see the truth.

*The truth is that God uses our differences within marriage to help us grow, and to help us help each other.


*The truth is that when God brings two people together, they will never be perfect, but they will fit together well, help each other, encourage each other in God, and they will be committed to godliness. They will bear godly fruit together, even through their struggles.


*The truth is, that God knows exactly what we need, and He sees the big picture.


*The truth is, perfect relationships (if they existed) wouldn't grow us nearly as well as messy relationships that strive to know God more.

*The truth is, the bible never says anything about finding "the one". It simply tells us to be equally yoked, gives us qualities to look for, and implies that we need to be bearing godly fruit and helping each other in God and in our relationships with God.


The truth is, I still struggle with all of this. I am so incredibly blessed to have a husband that loves God and has a passion to see others thinking deeply about God and knowing Him as much as we are able to. He helps me in some of my weakest spiritual areas and I do the same for him. That is completely of God. We could not have cultivated that on our own. We could never have forced that to happen. Praise God for bringing us together and knowing what (and who) we needed. But since my false ideas were so deeply rooted for so long, I still have to fight to believe truth instead. It's easy to have a fight and think, "Oh, we must be a bad couple", but that is just so wrong.

I also know I am not alone. I am learning that more and more women, particularly around my age, fight against these lies too. They are right there with me, forcing themselves to remember that their ideas of marriage have to come from Scripture, not some load of crap that implies everything should be perfect, we should always feel fantastic, and we should never have any problems. Good grief! If that were true, no one would ever get married or date.

So join us as we fight the lies. Be thankful for and build up your spouse and your marriage, even if things aren't perfect (because they never will be). Know that God has you and your spouse together to bring Him glory, not so that we can get grumpy over every little imperfection.

Stand against the Enemies lies. Stand against your own lies. Stand against the lies of media and society.

And if you'd like to read more blogs about similar marriage issues, here are a few of my favorites:

Sobremesa Stories: How Perfectionism and High Expectations Impacted Our Marriage and Five Tips for Living in an Introvert-Extrovert Marriage.

She is Joyful: How I Knew He Was the One: It's Not What You Think.

His Endless Love (Guest Post): Marriage 101- Opposites Attract.


I hope those posts, along with this one, are a blessing to you. Remember to be discerning about what you are believing, and to constantly be thankful for your marriage.

It's More Than a Feeling

"I know it's right because I feel it".

How many times have we heard that? Have many times have we said it ourselves. The media thrives on people living by this concept. We seem to live with the idea that if we feel something "in our gut", then it must be true. We tend to think that being a good little human means living based on emotions and our feelings.

But here's the problem- we are flawed, sinful humans. Yes, we are redeemed, and yes, we have the Holy Spirit if we belong to God, but our judgement, feelings, and emotions are still tainted. They will be until we get to Heaven.

The problem with this whole "I feel it in my gut" thing, is that we carry it over into Christianity. Suddenly, the leading of the Holy Spirit becomes about how we feel, instead of a matter of discernment and truth. Yes, sometimes the Holy Spirit leads in random, strange ways. It isn't always a cookie-cutter formula, but it will never contradict God's word.

There is a Youtube video floating around out there somewhere, that shows a pastor talking to his congregation. He says in the video that one day God told him to drop-kick an elderly lady, so he did...I'm not making this up, unfortunately. And you see, we can think a lot of weird things. We, as twisted humans, or even by the whispers of the devil, can certainly come up with the idea to drop-kick an old lady. But God? God is not going to tell you to do that. How do I know? Read His word. It's full of words about kindness and gentleness, and about helping and loving the elderly. If God is calling you to do something, it is not going to contradict His word.

And I know that the "drop kick an old lady" thing is kind of over-the-top, but people do similar things all the time. People were convinced that the world was either ending or that the rapture was coming in the year 2000, so they sold their possessions, made an underground bunker, and prepared for whatever was to come at the new year. Their were some really good people who were convinced that God was telling them to do those things. But that wasn't God.

Conviction is about discernment too. You don't just say "I'm convicted about this because I feel this way". That is what the people who wouldn't eat the food that Paul talked about in the Bible were doing. And it's the same thing some well-meaning churches are doing when they think alcohol, dancing, and women wearing pants is wrong. They are going off of what other's told them and then they feel guilty about it, so they think it is the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Instead of functioning that way, there should always be discernment added to feelings. We need to discern through Scripture why something may be wrong or right. We have to look past our feelings and past surface issues, and into the heart of the matter. Do we think something is wrong (or right) just because someone told us so, or just because we feel a certain way about it?

My former pastor once said, "Just because you feel or think something, doesn't make it true". As simple as that statement is, it really spoke to me, because I am really bad about going by feelings. That is why I am passionate about speaking out against it. I often condemn myself and call it conviction, or feel something and call it the Holy Spirit. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it isn't. Sometimes how I feel has nothing to do with what God is saying, and yet I slap His name on it and call my feelings "His leading". That is a very dangerous game. That is why it is so very important for us all to study Scripture and be discerning about our "gut feelings". Don't call something "God" just because you feel it.

Are you prone to going off of feelings without being discerning? How can we all do a better job of finding that balance where we are led by God freely, and yet we still use wisdom and discernment?