What the Gilmore Girls Revival Taught Me About Myself

SPOILER ALERT

SPOILER ALERT

SPOILER ALERT


Okay, you've been warned! ;)

On Saturday morning, I brewed my coffee, turned on Netflix and entered a Gilmore Girl vortex that I didn't emerge from until the entire revival series was complete. This had been my plan all along, but little did I know that I would come away with my jaw dropped and more questions than answers.

How could they do this to us!? I had decided that I was #teamjess, but they didn't give us any closure on who she would end up with. Sure, they alluded that Jess still had feelings for Rory, but in the end, the only thing we got was a shocking pregnancy announcement. That was it!

This girl likes cheesy, predictable, and fully wrapped-up. But Palladino decided to leave us wanting more instead. Which is fine, I guess. But gosh it's driving me nutsy!

What A Dead Chicken Taught Me About Gratitude

Have you ever had a moment where seemingly nothing happened, and yet you learned a whole lot about yourself through that "nothing"? Well, I recently had one of those moments- a moment where a dead chicken taught me about gratitude.

What We Say On Facebook Matters

People often get very brave on social media. Since they aren't standing toe-to-toe with those with whom they are speaking, they feel much more compelled to share the bolder portions of their minds. And who am I kidding? That includes me too!

As a lover of words, I enjoy typing out how I feel and what I think. I love the idea that I can make a difference and speak boldly for the truth. And that is the beautiful thing about blogs and social media: I can make a positive difference.

But there is also such a thing as our words mattering in a very bad way. We always think of "what we say matters" in a way that makes us feel significant, but what about when what we say is hurtful to others, selfish or prideful? What happens when our words misconstrue someone's thoughts or ideas and or belittle them?

5 Lessons I Have Learned From my Mom

Growing up, my mom and I were always close. We did everything together. She took me everywhere- the library, school, the beach, the park, etc. She taught me how to read, write, clean, pray, and swim. She taught me manners, and counting, and kindness.

If I tried to name all the things my mom has taught me, we'd be here all night. So instead of listing all the things I've learned from my mom, I decided to share the first five that come to mind instead.

What I've Learned From My First Six Months As a Seminary Wife

Since moving to Charlotte in August of 2015, there have been a lot of ups and downs. Between Taylor's classes, Taylor's job, Taylor's homework, my job, my blog, trying to find a church, and trying to get settled into a city that is much larger than we are used to, life has been hard.

There's always some bill we haven't paid yet, always something left to clean, and always something to "get through". Don't get me wrong- I have a great life- but I do get weary of some of these trials that keep coming our way.

But trials are not without lessons. I've already learned a lot since moving here, and I have a feeling I'll be learning a whole lot more.

1.) I am not nearly as nice as I thought I was

Seriously, this is hard for me to admit. I always thought of myself as super nice. I thought of myself as "the sweet girl who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt". But I am learning that when I am in a rough situation, I am not very nice at all. I put all the blame on my hubby for things that are at least partially my own fault. I am learning to be humble and realize that I am more flawed that I thought.

2.) I am selfish

When Taylor and I decided to move to Charlotte so that he could attend seminary, I was well-aware of the fact that I would have to be the "bread-winner" for a while. I knew I might have to put in longer hours than I was use to, and that I may have to "just deal with it" for a while. I agreed to that. I encouraged Taylor to go to seminary (and I am still so glad that he did).
Yet I find myself constantly wanting to be lazy. Constantly wanting to lay on the couch every second of my day off. Yes, I am tired. Yes, my hip and back are in some pain. But I am also just very selfish about my days off. Taylor only gets one day off a week. I get three. I have come to realize how selfish I am with my time.

3.) I am desperately in need of a savior.

I've been a Christian for a long time now. I know I need Jesus. I know that He is my only way to God. And yet, when I look at my list of flaws, I continue to try to fix it myself. I just keep striving to stop being selfish, and stop being mean, instead of allowing God to work from the inside out to correct those issues. I see myself more clearly, and I cannot fix what I see. God has to do that.

And the thing is, those flaws I mentioned above? They don't make me a terrible person. They don't make me less of a Christian or unlovable. They make me human- a human in need of God's grace.

I need God's grace every minute of every day. I didn't just need it when I became a Christian. I need it in every moment, all the time. And thankfully, that's how often God gives His grace!

4.) My husband is a hard worker

In college, Taylor and I both slacked off. We were so excited to have each other, and be in college, that we did a lot more hanging out, playing disc golf, and going to coffee shops than we did on our school work. But as our marriage has progressed, and especially since moving to Charlotte, I have seen my husband work very hard. He spends nearly all of his time either going to school or working at his part-time (nearly full-time) job. Add to that how committed he is to going to church on Sundays, even though that is his only day off, and I have to say, I've been very impressed.

5.) I expect perfection

I never thought I expected people to be perfect- and maybe I didn't for a while. But as I have gotten older, I have given people less grace. I have some suspicions about why that may be, and in some ways, I don't really blame myself. But in other ways, I see very clearly that I expect too much of a fairy tale. I have been expecting my husband, my family, my friends, and everyone I come in contact with to be perfect, yet I have given myself a whole lot of grace.

6.) Perfect doesn't exist

Other than God himself, perfection is a myth. People will hurt me. People will disappoint me. But guess what- I'll do the same to them. Perfect people do not exist. That doesn't mean that I quit trying. It means that when people fail me, I give them grace and cling to Jesus and His perfection.

7.) I like myself

It sounds strange, but as much as I have seen my flaws recently, I have also started to see my good qualities. I used to have a lot less self-esteem. Now I do like some things about myself. I do think I am funny. I think a lot of my quirks are endearing. I think I can encourage people really well. It's not that I never thought those things about myself before, but I see them more clearly now too.
Yes, as far as my sins go, I don't like myself very much. But as far as some of my personality traits go, I actually like me. It's hard for people to learn to like themselves. I've got a long way to go, but I think I've begun to learn.

8.) Things really are for a season

Before Taylor and I moved to Charlotte, we were hosting a bible study in our home. We weren't the "leaders", we were just the hosts. And though we didn't do anything huge for anyone, I still felt like we were able to be an encouragement. I felt like we were able to make tiny little differences just by opening our home to others and hopefully being a light while they were there.
But now that we have moved, we only have a few friends, and we never see them. We are very secluded, and it gets very lonely. We don't get much time together, so we definitely don't have time to serve together, host anything, or make a difference in the community together. I tend to beat myself up about this. I think things like "Christian couples should be out in the community leading people to Christ, or hosting a bible study that helps someone grow".
But every marriage has seasons. Taylor is following the call of God by going to seminary so that he can- we can- make a difference for the Lord even more fully. Just because we aren't serving at a soup kitchen, feeding the homeless, leading people in prayers for salvation, or bringing people in our home for Bible study, doesn't mean we aren't pleasing to God. God has us in a very busy, very trying season right now. The next season (whatever it may be) will hold different things. But all of it is for God's glory. Taylor going to seminary and working at his job is for God's glory. Me working as a nanny and working on my blog is for God's glory. I hope that the next season of life brings more opportunity for joint ministry with Taylor, but that doesn't make this season any less worth-while, any less rewarding, or any less God-given.

Don't read this post and think, "wow, she is just beating herself up". I do that sometimes, but that's not what this is. I want everyone to know that wherever you are at, you can still learn and grow. Whether your current situation is easy or hard, fruitful or bare, frustrating or rewarding- you can choose to live free, live well, and grow. Just because something isn't perfect doesn't mean God has no purpose for you there. Seek God more than you have been. Ask Him to make your heart right, to change you, and to produce the fruits of the spirit within you.

You may end up learning some painful things about yourself, and you may have to make some changes, but learning those things and making those changes can help you get better. Ignorance is not bliss in those cases, because ignorance hinders growth.

Think for a moment about your life right now. What can you learn? What have you already learned? How can you better yourself during this time?

Health and Weightloss: A Biblical Perspective

Confession: I've been saying for five years that I was "trying to lose weight". It wasn't exactly a lie- I mean, I really do want to lose weight, and I go through bouts here-and-there of eating better and exercising more. But I am realizing something- I haven't been trying very hard.

Lately, I have been having trouble with my stomach almost all the time. Every time I eat something (and sometimes even when I don't), I get these weird stomach cramps that also seem to be connected to my back. My back will start to hurt along with my stomach, and it will last for an hour or so. I just told a friend that it is getting real old, real fast.

But the thing is, I feel very confident that if I had been taking care of my body for the past 5+ years, I probably wouldn't be having these issues. I have failed to treat my body as God's temple, and I have repeatedly convinced myself that that was ok.

Last year, I wrote this post which touched on the idea that not treating our bodies correctly is a sin. I still believe that firmly and would like to dive into the issue more fully.

Temples of the Living God

God says that our bodies are His temples (1 Cor. 6:19). This not only means that He dwells in us- we are His houses in a way- but it also means that we are His "property". Now, before you start saying "I am my own woman. I'm no one's property. Ain't nobody got time for that!", try to remember that God explicitly told us that we are not our own.

But what does it really mean to be a temple of God? What does that require of us?

I believe it requires us to think rightly about food, put food in it's proper place, and to use our health for God's glory.

Thinking Rightly

Thinking rightly about food and exercise is hard for me. It's hard for most people, I think. You see, food is meant to sustain us. But today (at least in America), we treat food as a sport or an inexhaustible resource. We eat to satisfy more than our hunger- we eat to satisfy our souls. Food is meant to be a sustainer of health and energy. It is meant to keep us from dying. Yet we eat food for fun, out of boredom, or out of emotional pain.

But then we realize that we need to shed a few pounds, we suddenly view food as the enemy. Those french fries that we once loved are now a demon from the pit of hell. 

But food isn't an evil tormentor, nor does it bring happiness. Food is a gift from God that provides for our physical needs.

Proper Priorities

I cannot speak for the rest of you, but I know that personally, I am addicted to food. Food is not in it's proper place in my life. 

When I wake up, I not only think, "what's for breakfast?", but I also think things like "how long do I have to wait until it's acceptable to eat something else?".

That's not normal, and that's not ok. I have made food an idol and turned it into something that gives me happiness. I spend my time craving cheeseburgers, fried chicken, 5 million ounce steaks, and ten pounds of chocolate cake. 

Guys, God is not mad at me if I get a cheese burger from Five Guys- occasionally! But it is absolutely a sin to 1.) be addicted to food and find my emotional satisfaction in it, and 2.) treat my body as if it can handle anything I throw at it.

My Body for God's Glory

From a health standpoint, my body craves (needs) protein, vegetables, fruit, healthy fats, etc. If it gets these things on a daily basis, it will function properly and be able to stand strong against health problems and sicknesses. But my body cannot handle what I've been throwing at it: trans fats, preservatives out the wazoo, and oodles of sugar. Sure, it'll last for a while, but I won't be as alert, as healthy, or as functional as I was created to be.

I was created to do amazing things for God's glory- and so were you!

But I (we) cannot do that if we are drained, sluggish, and unhealthy.

I cannot tell someone who is self-harming that they should value their bodies, if they can look at me and clearly see that I am not valuing mine.

I cannot encourage a sister in Christ who is struggling with food addiction, body image, or an eating disorder, if I am not even willing to practice the discipline of portion control!

The Reason it Matters

My point is this: Food is not evil. Living a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean we can't enjoy treats. It doesn't mean we have to pledge never to set foot into a Micky D's again. But food is to be used wisely. Do you want to eat lot's of pizza at your birthday party? Well, if that's not your continual lifestyle, that's fine. If it's really a treat, and not a weekly occurrence, then have at it!

But remember this: We cannot live a full life- the way we were meant to- if we don't start taking care of ourselves. Self-care, "dieting", weight loss, and "lifestyle changes" are not about being skinny, looking good for our significant other, or proving anyone wrong. Being healthy is about caring for a gift we have been given.

I am entrusted by God to live my life well. I haven't been doing that. I need to change that. And I need to be held accountable. Do you need that change? Do you need that accountability?

Our Festering Wounds: Anger and Entitlement

During my last year of college, I realized how angry I had become. I was angry about my emotional disorders- anxiety, depression, and OCD. I was angry that I couldn't seem to shake them. I was angry at God for not taking them away instantly. And I was angry at myself for not doing the things that I knew would help me- spending time in God's word, eating healthy, going to a counselor, etc.

Since then, I have asked forgiveness for my anger and have tried to work on it. In some ways, it's better, in many ways, it has stayed the same, and in some ways, it's worse. I do think I am doing better than I was my senior year of college, but it is still a daily battle. Some days I have the upper-hand, and some days I sink like a mini-titanic.

Realizing Your Anger

Becoming aware of my own anger made me see something else, too: a lot, A LOT, of people are angry. And not just people who have spent their lives living wrongly either. No, Christians, God-loving and following Christians such as myself, are living their entire lives as an angry people.

Coming to this realization hurts. I see people in my own life struggling with anger too. They are angry about the their health, their finances, their marriage, their job, the political situation in the U.S.- you name it, someone, some Christian is angry about it. And you know what? I understand. Like I said, I struggle with anger too. But the more I take a look at my own anger, and the anger of those around me, I realize that the root of the problem is not anger, it is entitlement.

Entitlement

People aren't just angry because they are angry. People are angry, I am angry, because I feel like something is owed to me. I should have a better mental health situation. Why? Because God should want to heal me. Wow! Can you hear the arrogance jumping out of this blog post? I can!

That's the thing- if we are mad at God, or mad in general, because things aren't absolutely perfect in our lives, that is only because we expect perfection. And why? Hasn't the perfect gift already been wrapped up tightly in our hearts? Isn't salvation for all eternity enough? Or have we bought into some form of prosperity gospel that says God's purpose is for us to be happy?

Is God Selfish?

God loves us-yes. God wants the best for us- absolutely! But what we think is best and what God knows is best are two totally different things. Do they sometimes coincide? Sure! Many times in my life, God has blessed me with the things I desired most: my husband, my college, my family and I living closer to each other again, and quite a few other things too. The evidence seems clear that these are places where what I desired was also what God wanted for me- praise God! I am thankful! But as a general rule, when it comes down to it, God is after our holiness, our sanctification, and after His own glory. Whatever will bring about those things in our lives- that's what He will do. And to our human minds, that sounds selfish. Why does God get to go after His own glory, but we don't?

Well, did we create the earth? Nope.

Did we hang the stars in the sky? Negative.

Did we give our only, perfect son to hang on a cross for a people who's sins were infinite? Um, no.

And that, my friends, is why God gets to be after His own glory.
And as far as God being interested in our holiness and sanctification, that is Him having our best interest in mind. If God left us where we were at, for the sake of our own delight and happiness, He'd be a superficial God, only caring about the surface of our lives. Our hearts and spirits are eternal. They need much more attention than our immediate happiness does.

Does God want us to be happy? Yes, I think that within the realm of what is pleasing to Him, God definitely wants us to feel joy, pleasure, and have happiness in this life. But- and that is a huge, whopping but- God's interest in our holiness, in our hearts changing in godliness, is far superior to His desire for us to be happy.

So if those two things seem that they cannot co-exist in a given situation, guess which one God is going to put first. And honestly, I don't like it. But it is what is best. It is needed. It is beautiful in it's time. And it is filled with love and grace from a merciful God who truly does hold us caringly close to His heart.


Do you struggle with feelings of anger or entitlement? What steps can you take to overcome them?

*Originally Published in August 2015

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What I Have Learned From My Dog: Part 1

Recently, I was sitting in my chair blogging when one of my dogs, Bella, brought me her bed. Bella's bed is her version of a security blanket. She never actually sleeps on it, but she carries it around constantly. It is old, tattered, and always looks disgusting (even if it's just been washed). But Bella doesn't know that. She thinks everyone should be very impressed.

If someone comes to visit, as soon as they walk through the door she get's her bed and carries it to the visitor. She expects them to acknowledge it, saying something like "Bella, that's a nice bed". Then she will continue to prance and wag her tail, still clutching the ragged bed in her mouth.
She does this every morning when she wakes up, too. She brings me her bed and expects the same reaction, even though we've done this an uncountable amount of times. But she is still so proud!

Small, Simple Things

Seeing Bella take pride in such a simple possession got me thinking: why don't we find more joy in the things in our lives? We are blessed with so many things. God gives out gifts to all of his children, but they look different for each person. Whether something big like a spouse or a job, or something small, like the ability to bake yummy treats or write well, we should find joy in all that we have.

Bella's bed does not impress anyone else, but she loves it and she tries to share that joy with everyone she meets.

This doesn't mean that we have to sit the things we are thankful for in other people's laps (I'll let Bella handle that with her bed), but we should be proud of what we've been blessed with- content with it, and joyful that God has chosen to give to us.

Don't Hide Your Gifts and Blessings

I think sometimes we hide away the things we enjoy because we are afraid that people won't understand. I felt pressured to write dark, depressing works in college because of two particular students who's reviews of my writing really cut deep. Some things that they critiqued about my writing were spot-on and very helpful, but some of their comments made me feel that I was not talented if I wrote Christian fiction, or if what I wrote was positive.

During this time, I decided that I had to write darker material to be any good.
But that wasn't what I enjoyed, it wasn't what God had gifted me in (at least, not as much so), and it wasn't making a difference in people's lives. I was proud of my inspirational and encouraging writing. I was proud of being able to articulate something that would challenge others, as well as myself, in the Lord. I was proud of writing happy things, because the world sees and reads enough depressing material. They don't need anymore.

Those students may have seen my writing as tattered or unimpressive (as us humans see Bella's bed), but I have realized within the past year or two that I am proud of my writing and I love it. God has blessed me with the gift of writing and I am thankful. I can definitely improve (and we should always strive to improve), but the point is, I have learned to find joy in a gift that God has given me, a gift that I can use to glorify him. And I am no longer afraid to show it to others- to take it around the room with my metaphorical tail wagging. And I think that that is a great place to be.

The Lesson

So take a lesson from my crazy, obnoxious, adorable, and hyper-active dog: Be content with what you have. Be proud of what you have. Be thankful for what you have.

Bella may not be using her bed for God's glory (since she doesn't really know who God is, haha), but I can use what God has given me, the things I find joy in,  and the gifts I have been blessed with, to please God- the giver of all good things. Other people may see it as ugly or insignificant, but if it is from God, then it is the exact opposite!


What have you been hiding away because others may judge it's appearance? How can you start to use it for God's glory?

Say No to Some Good Things to Make Room for the Best Things

During a normal week, I work 36 hours for my day job, and spend another 12-14 hours on my blog and coinciding social media. I have a husband and three dogs, and we have a house to take care of. I spend about 4 hours driving to and from work, and then on the weekends we go to church and sometimes drive another hour to visit my family. Life flies by and it feels like there is always something to do- and none of that includes having a social life!

Sometimes it feel like it is impossible to reach my dreams. Sometimes it feels like I never have enough time to work on the things I am passionate about. I want to be spending more like 20-30 hours working on my blog, but when I get home from work I am tired and the only thing I want to do is watch Netflix and eat Bon-Bons (Ok...more like pizza, but Bon-Bons work too).

But eating and watching T.V. isn't the solution to my problems. Those things are can be good things, but just because something is good, doesn't mean it's best, or that we should do it all the time.

I keep hearing the saying, "Give up what is good so that you can attain what is best", and honestly, I kept trying to figure out what that practically meant. I mean, I understood that some things are better than others, but I couldn't figure out how it applied to me.

But I am starting to realize that a lot of the time, I give up the best things in life in order to focus on the mediocre.

I mentioned before in my New Year's Goals and Resolutions post that I don't make Bible reading a priority like I should. I often choose to watch Netflix instead of spending time with God. I often choose to play video games instead of working on my blog. I would (if Taylor didn't keep me accountable- praise God for my husband!) choose sleep over church. I am so prone to choose the "good" (sometimes bad), over the very best. I often choose the mediocre over the spectacular.

And now I know what the saying means, and how it applies to me: I need to do the very best things with my time- not just the simple, mediocre, and (at best) good things.

In order to grow closer to God, I have to choose the best.

In order to improve and grow my blog, I have to choose the best.

In order to make God a priority (instead of sleep), I have to choose the best.

It's not always easy to choose the best. It is usually much easier to choose the mediocre. Good tends to be good enough if it requires less effort. But we need to start desiring more than just good- we need to seek after the best.

Now, before you cancel your Netflix subscription and toss your video games, choosing the best doesn't mean that every waking second of your life has to be given only to prayer, Bible reading, church, and whatever dreams you have for yourself. Much of it should be, but there is still something to be said for rest and relaxation. Enjoy the little things, but don't for a second start to believe that they are the best.

 Like nearly everything else in life, there is a balance to be found. Just make sure the balance is godly and...you guessed it: the best.

When They Need a Friend

Who's your best friend? How did you meet? What qualities do they have that you adore? Where would you be without them?
(Originally posted in August 2015)

I have about seven best friends, not including my husband. Some I am closer to than others, but they are all close enough and special enough to be called best friends. I am blessed beyond measure to have that many trusted, sweet, and fun friends to call mine. They are wonderful.

But every once in a while, the thought occurs to me that some people don't even have one best friend. They have acquaintances, they have people to hang out with, but no one that knows the deeper parts of their heart. They feel lonely, unloved, and like there is something wrong with them.

How sad!

Making friends is harder for some people than it is for others. Almost all of my best friends are introverts, making it tough for them to be thrown into busy, crowd-filled situations. I, on the other hand, am extremely extroverted. I love meeting knew people, making people laugh, and quite possibly enjoy pushing my friends out of their comfort zone ;)

For the people out there like me- the ones who aren't afraid to act on their impulses and talk to that random stranger in the corner- I think we have an obligation.

Not an obligation to be everyone's best friend, don't worry. But we do have an obligation to make others feel loved. We are the ones who aren't intimidated to go up and say hi. We are the ones who enjoy meeting a billion new people. So many people are shy and scared. Why would we make them make the first move? That's not cool, bro! :p

But seriously, we have the ability to make new friends. There are a lot of lonely people out there. People who are far too timid to speak up and be bold. Beautiful people with low self-esteem. So whether it's a smile, a "you look beautiful. I love your hair", or a "hey, let me buy that cup of coffee for you. How are you today?", we have the gift of boldness that could make someone feel like they matter.

And let's just be real...we all know of that one person that is hard to get along with. That person that has obviously needed a friend for years. We kept hoping they would find one. We kept hoping that it wouldn't be us... Shame on us! We saw a need. We ignored a need. We passed up a wonderful opportunity to love on someone. And again, they don't have to be our best friend. They just need to know they have someone. We don't have to be on call 24/7, and it isn't an all-access pass for someone to suck the life out of us. It just means that we kick our selfishness in the butt, push past our own desires, and offer a listening ear and a loving heart to someone who truly needs it.

And for my introverted Christ-lovers out there: try to step out in this way too. I definitely think that us extroverts have a duty, but maybe God is calling you to help the lonely as well. After all, Christ didn't say "Extroverts, love one another", He simply said "love one another".

We can all step up. Meet someone new. When you see that someone is hurting and needs a friend, be that friend.


Did someone come to mind that needs a friend? How can you show that person love?

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Identifying the Lies of Marriage

I grew up as your stereo-typical little girl. I was convinced that I would grow up, meet a man who treats me like an absolute princess, we would get married, and then life would be complete. Marriage was my goal.

Marriage continued to be my goal even as I got older. I wanted to meet a good, Christian guy who loved God and loved me. Again, even though I would have denied feeling this way, deep down I felt that life would just always be fantastic once I was with my guy.

Fast-forward to college where I met my now-husband. Taylor was (and is) great. He loves God, wants us to grow, and tries to live his life for God. He has fantastic qualities and we tend to help each other in our weaker points. Yes, it was what I had waited for.

But we had a problem. I had been carrying around this false idea of the right person, of godly dating, and of godly marriage since I was a child. So when God brought Taylor into my life and everything wasn't perfect- because we weren't aren't perfect, I flipped out. Why did I still have any struggle with depression and anxiety, if I had found the right guy? Shouldn't I always feel perfect peace when I am with him? Why did we ever have any sort of disagreement? Why didn't every single moment of every single part of our relationship run smoothly?

The real answer to that question is, of course "Because you are both human beings, Kristin!", but my little Cinderella brain couldn't quite get there. I had assumed that if it wasn't pure joy all the time, and if all of my struggles weren't gone, then I must not be with the right person.

People with anxiety don't just feel peace all the time. Being in a great situation doesn't mean there is nothing but peace. That is particularly true for people with anxiety, but it is true for everyone. God is the only one that has and gives perfect peace. Perfect peace doesn't come from being in a perfect situation. Perfect peace comes from a perfect God.

But since I was convinced that I had to have perfect peace about every moment of my life in order for it to be of God, I would worry if Taylor and I disagreed about anything, thinking that there was something wrong with us. I would worry if we didn't like the same hobbies, because it might mean we would bore each other in marriage. I would worry if we got in a fight, because obviously, Christian couples don't fight... #sarcasm.

But the thing is, none of these views were really coming from Scripture. No, my ideas of godly dating and marriage were a strange hodge-podge of Disney fairy tales mixed with "Christian" false-teaching that the Holy Spirit leads in your gut. I had bought into the lie that I would feel complete peace about anything that God wanted me to do, and I would have anxiety if it was sin. But that false view doesn't account for people with anxiety disorders. It also doesn't account for all the times people feel peace about something that God clearly wasn't calling them to do. It leaves out that fact that, just like our hearts, our emotions are tainted by this world-by sin. We can feel all sorts of crap. But feelings are not God. And though peace is a fruit of the spirit, that doesn't have anything to do with feeling peace about every decision you make. That's not what it means. And likewise, though our dating and marriage should reflect Christ, we will never reach perfection on earth, which means our marriages will never be perfect.

I spent so much time wrestling with all of this. I had so many false ideas to work through. I had so many rude awakenings that it was painful. And those false ideas were just so embedded in my perfectionist, fairy-tale brain, that I had to really fight to see the truth.

*The truth is that God uses our differences within marriage to help us grow, and to help us help each other.


*The truth is that when God brings two people together, they will never be perfect, but they will fit together well, help each other, encourage each other in God, and they will be committed to godliness. They will bear godly fruit together, even through their struggles.


*The truth is, that God knows exactly what we need, and He sees the big picture.


*The truth is, perfect relationships (if they existed) wouldn't grow us nearly as well as messy relationships that strive to know God more.

*The truth is, the bible never says anything about finding "the one". It simply tells us to be equally yoked, gives us qualities to look for, and implies that we need to be bearing godly fruit and helping each other in God and in our relationships with God.


The truth is, I still struggle with all of this. I am so incredibly blessed to have a husband that loves God and has a passion to see others thinking deeply about God and knowing Him as much as we are able to. He helps me in some of my weakest spiritual areas and I do the same for him. That is completely of God. We could not have cultivated that on our own. We could never have forced that to happen. Praise God for bringing us together and knowing what (and who) we needed. But since my false ideas were so deeply rooted for so long, I still have to fight to believe truth instead. It's easy to have a fight and think, "Oh, we must be a bad couple", but that is just so wrong.

I also know I am not alone. I am learning that more and more women, particularly around my age, fight against these lies too. They are right there with me, forcing themselves to remember that their ideas of marriage have to come from Scripture, not some load of crap that implies everything should be perfect, we should always feel fantastic, and we should never have any problems. Good grief! If that were true, no one would ever get married or date.

So join us as we fight the lies. Be thankful for and build up your spouse and your marriage, even if things aren't perfect (because they never will be). Know that God has you and your spouse together to bring Him glory, not so that we can get grumpy over every little imperfection.

Stand against the Enemies lies. Stand against your own lies. Stand against the lies of media and society.

And if you'd like to read more blogs about similar marriage issues, here are a few of my favorites:

Sobremesa Stories: How Perfectionism and High Expectations Impacted Our Marriage and Five Tips for Living in an Introvert-Extrovert Marriage.

She is Joyful: How I Knew He Was the One: It's Not What You Think.

His Endless Love (Guest Post): Marriage 101- Opposites Attract.


I hope those posts, along with this one, are a blessing to you. Remember to be discerning about what you are believing, and to constantly be thankful for your marriage.

It's More Than a Feeling

"I know it's right because I feel it".

How many times have we heard that? Have many times have we said it ourselves. The media thrives on people living by this concept. We seem to live with the idea that if we feel something "in our gut", then it must be true. We tend to think that being a good little human means living based on emotions and our feelings.

But here's the problem- we are flawed, sinful humans. Yes, we are redeemed, and yes, we have the Holy Spirit if we belong to God, but our judgement, feelings, and emotions are still tainted. They will be until we get to Heaven.

The problem with this whole "I feel it in my gut" thing, is that we carry it over into Christianity. Suddenly, the leading of the Holy Spirit becomes about how we feel, instead of a matter of discernment and truth. Yes, sometimes the Holy Spirit leads in random, strange ways. It isn't always a cookie-cutter formula, but it will never contradict God's word.

There is a Youtube video floating around out there somewhere, that shows a pastor talking to his congregation. He says in the video that one day God told him to drop-kick an elderly lady, so he did...I'm not making this up, unfortunately. And you see, we can think a lot of weird things. We, as twisted humans, or even by the whispers of the devil, can certainly come up with the idea to drop-kick an old lady. But God? God is not going to tell you to do that. How do I know? Read His word. It's full of words about kindness and gentleness, and about helping and loving the elderly. If God is calling you to do something, it is not going to contradict His word.

And I know that the "drop kick an old lady" thing is kind of over-the-top, but people do similar things all the time. People were convinced that the world was either ending or that the rapture was coming in the year 2000, so they sold their possessions, made an underground bunker, and prepared for whatever was to come at the new year. Their were some really good people who were convinced that God was telling them to do those things. But that wasn't God.

Conviction is about discernment too. You don't just say "I'm convicted about this because I feel this way". That is what the people who wouldn't eat the food that Paul talked about in the Bible were doing. And it's the same thing some well-meaning churches are doing when they think alcohol, dancing, and women wearing pants is wrong. They are going off of what other's told them and then they feel guilty about it, so they think it is the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Instead of functioning that way, there should always be discernment added to feelings. We need to discern through Scripture why something may be wrong or right. We have to look past our feelings and past surface issues, and into the heart of the matter. Do we think something is wrong (or right) just because someone told us so, or just because we feel a certain way about it?

My former pastor once said, "Just because you feel or think something, doesn't make it true". As simple as that statement is, it really spoke to me, because I am really bad about going by feelings. That is why I am passionate about speaking out against it. I often condemn myself and call it conviction, or feel something and call it the Holy Spirit. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it isn't. Sometimes how I feel has nothing to do with what God is saying, and yet I slap His name on it and call my feelings "His leading". That is a very dangerous game. That is why it is so very important for us all to study Scripture and be discerning about our "gut feelings". Don't call something "God" just because you feel it.

Are you prone to going off of feelings without being discerning? How can we all do a better job of finding that balance where we are led by God freely, and yet we still use wisdom and discernment?

Why We Need to Reform Our Ideas About Social Media

I was sitting in my comfy chair, glued to my phone. My husband sat down and asked me what I was doing.

"Unfollowing some people I follow on Instagram", I replied.

When he asked me why, I explained that I shouldn't be following more people than follow me, because it's a blogger no-no.

"How would you feel if people did that to you?" was the response I received from him.

I tried to come up with something, but I immediately knew he was right. I was reducing my blog- my ministry- to followers on Instagram. I was putting higher stats above other people's feelings, and "looking popular" above supporting others in the same way I want to be supported.

Somehow, blogging about Jesus turned into hashtags, re-tweets, pins, and followers.

Now, since I want to make my blog my future career, I do have to take certain steps to make that happen. I have to be wise in my actions and I do need to grow my social media. But there are good ways to do that and bad ways.

If I follow someone on social media and I just really don't enjoy their posts, I think it is perfectly fine to unfollow them. Social media is not my life, nor should it be anyone else's. We are not obligated to follow people who consistently post things we don't like. However, when we are deleting people to make ourselves look better, we are officially stepping out of blogging community and stepping into blogging selfishness.

Many of you are probably thinking that this doesn't matter. It is, after all, just social media. But the thing is, it does matter. Not because social media is super important, but because the heart of the matter is.

As a Christian Lifestyle Blogger, my job is not only to blog, but to be Christlike. Christlikeness should encompass all of the Christian life, not just the big, "important" parts. Believe me, I want to grow my blog. I want to make this little space of the internet my own. I want to bless others, share Christ, and make this dream my business. But even in business, in goals, and in dreams, we have the duty and privileged to put others before ourselves.

And that's why this social media revelation matters to me. I want even Instagram to reflect God. To be faithful- even in the smallest of things.

Are You Keeping a Running Tab of Wrongs?

In today's world, we keep a lot of lists. Some lists are good- to-do lists to keep us more productive, grocery lists to help us remember what we need- but what about the lists that keep constant remembrance of the wrong done to us?

We like to think we don't keep lists of who has hurt us. And even if we are willing to admit it, we always have a reason- an excuse- as to why we keep those lists. "It just has happened so many times, how can I just let it go?", "It's only natural to be angry", or "I am keeping this list so that I will not allow myself to be walked all over" are among the excuses that might be given. You see, when someone does something against us, we tend to store it away in our minds. Even when we say we have forgiven someone, we can't help but jump back to that moment when the person  hurts us again.

It may be impossible to forget, but real love- godly love- doesn't keep a running tab of people's mistakes.

Isn't it funny how we all want forgiveness- even expect it- but when someone does something to hurt or frustrate us, we struggle to give them the same grace? Who exactly do we think we are? We are not perfect. Sure, our wrong-doing may be different from theirs, but it certainly isn't any better (at least in most cases).

I know that there are some circustances that are much harder to forgive than others. I have never had to go through my spouse cheating or walking out on me (praise God), so I cannot imagine the pain that must live there. I cannot pretend to know what it's like. To those situations, all I can say is trust God and try to forgive.

But for most people, the wrongs we are keeping record of are more along the lines of rude words, tempers lost, hurt feelings, or a lack of help around the house. Maybe our friend has been late one too many times, or our sibling was gossiping about us to other family members. Those things hurt- and we often hold on to that hurt.

But the Bible says that if we love someone, we will not keep a list of their sins. That is such a foreign idea to our pride and to our self-conservation. In a world that is all about taking care of number one, we don't naturally consider giving grace. So sad, but very true.

Forgiving and not keeping a tab does not mean not holding people accountable. By all means, when someone hurts you, kindly express the hurt. If someone makes you angry, kindly talk to them about it. Express how their behavior was not good- maybe not even acceptable. But once you talk to them, once you offer them forgiveness, wipe it from the list. It's gone. Don't bring it back up.

Some people have a harder time with this than others. I am the world's worst for grudge-keeping. I am still fighting to forgive some situations from middle and high-school. I still get angry every time I think about certain people from college. But I have given it to God multiple times and have given my forgiveness. This means my list has to burn. I cannot keep going back to those things people did years ago- even days or hours ago. If I don't throw the list out, I am not loving them with a godly love- something I am absolutely called to do.

Are you like me? Is grudge-holding your favorite after-school activity? Or are you a quick forgiver? For your sake, I hope you are the latter. But regardless of what camp you fall into, remember- love keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love one another- just as Christ loves the church.

Blame

"I only yelled at you because you were being rude."

"I only talked about you behind your back because you talked about me first."

"You were supposed to help me become a better person. If you had helped me more, I would have made way more progress."

"You are supposed to keep me accountable for reading my Bible. It's your fault I haven't spent more time with God."

It's a lot easier to blame another person for our failures than it is to admit that we have failed, isn't it?

The list above is just random, and not all of them are necessarily pertinent to my life, but the one I'm really bad about is the last one. I am terrible about not reading my Bible. I don't pick it up and read it. But if Taylor doesn't ask me if I have read my Bible, I get mad at him and say he isn't keeping me accountable. Sure, I love when he remembers to ask me about it. Yes, I think that is important. But to blame him when I am the only one that is responsible for spending time with the Lord, is ridiculous. I know that deep down, but I find myself constantly repeating this attitude- but there is no excuse.

When I mess up, it is not someone else's fault. When you mess up, it's not because of someone else. We are responsible for every move we make, every thought we think, and every word that comes out of our mouths. Can other people influence those things? Can the devil himself influence those things? Yes! Absolutely. But when it is all said and done, only I give account for my actions. Only I can decide to do the right thing- or the wrong thing.

A popular pastor was recently found out to be having an affair. And he only had an affair after catching his wife having an affair. I have no idea what has happened with this situation. I have no idea if this pastor blames his wife or not- but if he does, he is wrong.

Cheating is an awful thing. I feel terrible for him and the hurt he suffered when he found his wife cheating on him. But one person's sin does not give us the right to go out and sin too. Regardless of what anyone else does or says, we are responsible for our own actions. We have no right to blame anyone else.

So what do you blame others for?
Do you blame others for your anger? Your selfishness? Your infidelity? Your half-truths? Whatever it is, start admitting that it's your fault. It's not your husband's fault, not your mom's fault, not your teacher's fault, and not your boss' fault. It's yours. It's mine. It's ours- only ours.

We must get rid of this desire to place our failures on the shoulders of others. We have to own up to our messes. We have to repent of our sins. And we have to be willing to say " I messed up, but God's grace is enough".

You see, when we blame others for our mistakes, we are doing what Adam did in the garden of Eden. Blame is not new.

And when we blame people, we are doing it out of fear- fear that we aren't good enough, fear that we've disappointed, and fear of rejection. But as Christians, there's no need for that. There is no condemnation for those of us who are in Christ (Romans 8:1). There's not even a reason to cast blame anymore, because we have long-since been forgiven. We have no shame...so why are we still trying to out-run it?

Stop running.

Accept the blame where blame is due.

And then let it go.

It's not anyone else's fault but yours... but it is also long-gone.

Accept your mistakes and accept Christ's all-encompassing forgiveness.

Merely Existing

It's so easy to float through life, waiting for the next moment of bliss. But while we are waiting, we miss out on our life.

Sometimes, I just want to sit around and do nothing. I want to wallow in my struggles, be lazy about my goals, and avoid anything that would challenge me. Bettering myself, though a desire of mine, tends to fall second to laziness and the comfort that comes with it.

On my days off, I keep thinking, "I could crochet a scarf today", "I could make candles today", "I could go for a walk at the park", "I could go read my bible", or "I could get ahead on my blog". Instead, the end result is usually me watching Netflix for far too long, eating salty, fattening foods, or giving in to negative thinking for hours at the time.

Oscar Wilde once said "To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist." Honestly, this quote sounds like something that would end up on a refrigerator magnet or a Facebook cover photo. But if you really think about it, there is a whole lot of truth in that tiny little statement.

Each day, we get out of bed and immediately start hoping that the day goes by quickly. We wait for the end of our work day before we even get to work.
On Monday morning, we are already waiting for Friday afternoon. And the day after Christmas, we start waiting for Thanksgiving. We are a culture of unsatisfied creatures, always waiting for the next best thing.

Living in such an unsatisfied state keeps us from being effective in the here and now. If we are constantly waiting for the clock to hit "go home" time at the end of each day, we are probably missing all sorts of small moments to connect with people, to go the extra mile in our work, and to take advantage of our talents.

When we exist, we float through and half-heartedly participate in our own lives. When we live, we thrive!

Living means:

- Actively searching for ways to improve our lives: How can we change our bad habits? How can we improve our attitudes? How can we strengthen our faith?

- Looking purposefully for ways to make a difference in the lives of others.

- Using our talents: how can we use our gifts more effectively today than we did yesterday?

- Enjoying the little things: our spouse's smile, our dog's slobbery kisses,
the sunshine's warm rays, and the boldness of a cup of coffee.

-Pursuing goals and dreams: even if it seems impossible, we should search for ways to make our dreams into reality.

Existing means:

- Refusing to change: staying exactly the way we've been, with no interest in improving.

- Ignoring opportunities to help others.

- Avoiding, ignoring, or not being open to using and growing our talents.

- Choosing to complain about little annoyances.

- Believing that our dreams will always just be dreams.


If we want to thrive, merely existing can no longer be our way of living. We must dare to dream, strive towards those dreams, and constantly improve ourselves. Every single person on the planet could stand to improve. Ghandi and Mother Theresa could have even improved. We all have flaws, and until Jesus returns, we always will, but we can constantly strive to do better. And working towards that in every sphere of our lives is, in fact, living!

It's really tough sometimes to get into the right mindset, or to push ourselves to be our best. It can be difficult, frustrating, and sometimes even scary, but the alternative- the not living- is far more frightening!

We are all capable of great things. We have the potential to change the world through our character, through our faith, and through our talents. We have been given gifts that can make an impact- if we use them, sharpen them, and put them into practice. The question is, do you want to change the world, or merely exist in it?

Live your life. Live it fiercely and purposefully. Do not just exist.

The Uselessness of Regret

Every once in a while, I start thinking about things I should have done differently. I can think of a million different instances, but no matter how many examples I can come up with, regret only leads to shame and depression.

I've always been a perfectionist. I have always beaten myself up for my mistakes and felt guilty about every little thing. I think I win the record for how many times a day I repent for things I have done. And repentance is a good thing...until you are looking around trying to find something- because surely I've done something bad within the past hour...

We all make mistakes and bad choices every.single.day. Bummer. And as much as we should be striving to live rightly, there comes a point that we have to realize that we are humans. We are not Jesus- we are never going to cultivate the perfect life here on earth. If we could do that, Jesus would never have needed to come.

And when we realize that we are human, we also begin to realize that we have to let go of our regret.

Regret, in essence, is dredging up the "what ifs", the "I should haves" and the "I wish I had's". 

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In college I began struggling very heavily with anxiety. I had already dealt with it some in high school, but I suppose that with the newness of college, being away from my family, and so many new adventures all coming at me at once, the anxiety grew. And because of this, I spent much of my college years inwardly focused on the fact that I was anxious and not very good at dealing with it. I had a great support system (Taylor, my family, and several wonderful friends), but I still was focused on my troubles, not my blessings.

When I would go home on school breaks, I was always so happy to see my family, but my anxiety made me feel distanced from them. I tried really hard to be myself, but I always knew they could tell I wasn't all there. I would leave from break feeling guilty and sad, because I knew they wanted their old Kristin back...so did I.

I eventually started getting a little bit better, slowly learning how to handle the anxiety. And I knew they could see the improvements too. I was more like myself again and we talked more freely without my struggles hindering us. But this didn't change the fact that I wasted a lot of time with my family-fun, untarnished time- because of my anxiety and how self-consumed I was for a while. In addition to my battle with anxiety, I was still enjoying college, I had a boyfriend that I loved and was completely twitterpated over (Bambi, anyone?), and I was soaking in all of the new adventures. With so much going on all at once, it all added up to one thing: I was insanely busy and rarely called my family, and I was distracted when I did.

********************************

It happens, I am not alone. Most kids do go MIA for a while when they are in college, but I regret this. I regret that I didn't talk to my nana more, and let her know how much I appreciated her. Now, she has a hard time talking because of her stroke and I may never hear her normal voice again. It probably hurt her feelings that I didn't call more often too. I wish I would have shown my mom more appreciation both over the phone and when I visted. I wish that I had spent less time dealing with my emotional issues and more time playing with my little brother when I was home for the holidays. I wish I had spent more time with my dad and grandaddy too.

But the thing is, my family understands. My family loves me, cares for me, knows what I was going through and they do not have hard feelings towards me. They are proud of me and they are proud of the person I am becoming. They are proud of what Taylor and I are and strive to be, and they are proud of me for pursuing my goals. They don't think of me as "Kristin: loser with anxiety", or "Kristin: that obnoxious girl". I'm the only one thinking that. And the only reason I think like that, is because I give into my regret. I let the regrets creep up, consume me, and lie to me.

Can I learn from my regret? For sure. Regret should cause me to change my actions. I try to call my family more often than I use to, for example. But my regret should not lead me to dwell on the past, chastise myself for my mistakes, or make me hate myself. Regret is useless in that way. It causes us to focus on the things we cannot change, and renders us ineffective in the present, since we are too busy dwelling on the past. Regret only makes us depressed and shameful. And guess what- Christ died for our shame, and rendered our depression pointless. We are forgiven, we are redeemed. We are not shamed. We are not defeated. We are not what we feel like we are- praise God!

So the next time we feel regret creeping in, we must remember that it is useless. Remember that the shame that comes with it is a lie. God has covered every one of our wrongs- from the tiniest mishap, to the largest of sins. Regret is useless. Cast it out!

Practical Ways to Love Your Spouse

Life isn't always exciting. There isn't always something fun happening, and life isn't always sweet and romantic. So in these moments- the droll, uneventful moments- how to we show our other half that we are still head-over-heels for them?

Before my husband and I got married, we dated for four years. There were no secrets. I knew before we got married what his quirks were, what made him mad, and what he did that drove me crazy. And he knew the same about me. This meant that there weren't any unpleasant surprises. He knew that I over-analyzed everything, and I knew that his rants could last a lifetime.

And even though we saw each others imperfections, we knew that we loved each other deeply enough to remain faithful, even when the little quirks turned into big nuisances, and the twitter-pated hearts calmed down a bit.

Don't get me wrong, I still love my husband deeply, and I love to flirt with him and goof off with him. But chances are, everyday life is not going to be filled with butterflies, breathless moments, and candlelit meals. Actually, it's much more likely that it will be filled with morning breath, towels on the floor, and farts that stay pungent for longer than humanly imaginable ;)

So how, even then, when we are tired, grumpy, and plugging in the air freshener, do we show our spouses the deep love they deserve?

Practical Ways to Show Love to Your Spouse

1.) Laugh with them

My guess is, your spouse wants nothing more than to make you happy- to see you smile. And the thing is, we can get so bogged down with what our spouse didn't get right, that we lose our ability to smile and laugh. When spouses laugh together, there is something healing and therapeutic about it. It delights from the inside out and is a great reminder of the joy you share with your spouse. 

And maybe some of you haven't been able to laugh together lately. If that is you, sit down and have a conversation to figure out what is going on.

But even in those times, you can still laugh together. Put on your favorite comedian or funny movie, or go hang out with that friend that always makes you both laugh. Just make a conscious effort to do something fun.

2.) Surprise them with a date-night

I've mentioned before, that one of the things my husband and I love to do is take our mattress into the living room and watch movies until we fall asleep. I enjoy it very much, but my husband loves it. So one time, I set up the mattress in the living room and picked out a few movies before he got home. It made him feel loved and special.

Some people may not enjoy that at all, but we do. Whatever it is that makes your spouse happy and that you can both enjoy, set it up and surprise him. Maybe he loves having a nice dinner cooked for him, or maybe he loves it when you two play soccer together. Organizing something fun that your spouse enjoys is sure to make them feel loved, especially when they see that thought has been put into.

3.) Remind them of their good qualities

My love language is words of affirmation. Sometimes to a fault. But my husband is not that way. He typically doesn't need that much affirmation, so sometimes I forget to watch for when he does need it. 

Regardless of your spouse's love language, and regardless of how much they do or don't communicate, everyone needs to be reminded of their good qualities talents, and what makes them so darn lovable!

My husband, for example, is ridiculously smart, but I often forget that he doesn't always feel smart. And on days when he has a paper or presentation coming up, he's often more nervous about it than he lets on. So on these days, I try to tell him how proud of him I am, how smart he is, and that I know he will do well.

And for people who haven't been feeling very doting on their spouse lately?
Remember why you married them. Regardless of how they made you feel when they forgot to do the dishes, they are still that wonderful person you fell in love with. They are still smart, funny, talented, and kind. And they are still the love of your life!

When you love your spouse, it should never be based on their actions. They (and we) are flawed human beings. They will make mistakes, they won't always be fun and romantic, and they are never going to be the perfect person. That's why the "honeymoon" phase dies down, and "real life" rears its head. But that's ok. Whether today was hard, easy, boring, or more eventful than you bargained for, you still have the ability to go home and let your spouse know that they are deeply loved. And that you will love them on their good days and bad days- on their super-sweet days, and on their super-obnoxious days. 

They need to know that you will always be there, and that you are still madly, incandescently in love with them. And yes, you are absolutely capable of showing them that love!

How do you show your spouse you love them? Are there any special dates you like to have?

Comment below.

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